​We work in a predominantly female sector
The majority of people that are employed in the non-profit sector are women, so my guess is you work with a lot of them. I'm also going to venture a guess that you find them "emotional" and that those displays of emotions get on your nerves. I'm curious who's driving you crazy today? Your administrative support, your boss or the team lead? Maybe it's the whole dang team!

Your mood today plays a big role!
Here's the thing, how you are feeling, your mood, affects how tolerable you are of their behaviour.

• If you are stressed about an upcoming report that is due and slept poorly because you fought with your spouse last night, you may have zero patience left.
• If instead, you are in a good mood, their sarcastic comment may not trigger you. In fact, you may have compassion for them, knowing they've been struggling with their own issues at home.

It's important to remember, is that your mood impacts how their attitude affects you!

​This is what it can look like instead
Coming from a place of compassion and feeling a bit more patience may allow you to address the issue, rather than the person. I am NOT suggesting you let things slide and allow people to be rude, ignorant and disrespectful.

• But waaaaay back when I taught parenting to families, we taught this golden rule: Address the behaviour, not the child. The child isn't bad. But colouring on the wall is not ok.

Instead of taking their comment personally and biting back, we need to address the issue at hand.

If that's not enough
I get it. This is in some ways only a temporary fix. The reality is that ongoing negativity and moods in the office can turn things toxic pretty darn quickly. Here are a couple of more resources for you.

1. If you are a member of The Training Library, I've just added a webinar replay called Gossiping, Hormones and Backstabbing: Leading in Predominantly Female Teams. You'll find it in the webinar section. If you aren't a member of the Training Library and want this and additional training, join here.
2. The second resource is an invite to check out the work I am doing with my colleague at The Magnetic Workplace. Our focus is helping you move your culture from toxic or tolerable to a Magnetic Workplace.

But always, start with you! Take responsibility for YOUR mood! Trust me that will have a ripple effect!

​Why don't you, or so many women, address these issues?
Before I answer that question, let's look at an example of a woman who is no longer staying quiet about injustices faced by her and other women in the fundraising sector.

Last week Elizabeth LeClair courageously wrote an article for CBC News addressing an issue that had been festering in her heart and mind for years. Read the article here:

• Sexual harassment runs rampant in non-profits — and it's time for our #MeToo moment

Why did Elizabeth come forward now?
What changed? What gave her the courage and confidence to do that?

I don't know. But let me take a guess:
Having the courage to address moral issues can be scary and challenging. We see people have moral courage when something shifts for them.

• We step forward when we develop confidence.
• We take action when we engage in conversation with others and realize it's not just us being affected.
• We take courageous action when we are compelled by our powerful values, morals and ethics.
• We grow, develop and mature when we put the time, energy and focus into developing ourselves from the inside out.

Is there something you have been holding back on addressing?
What needs to shift for you? Do you need to develop more confidence, connect with other supportive people, get clear on what your values, morals and ethics are, spend time on personal development or is there something else?


When will you take action to grow yourself,
so that you can address the issues that's been aggravating far too long?

My Confession
Last weekend, I’m sad to admit, I lurked around the aisles of Walmart to see whom a guy we knew was really with. Ernie and were shopping and we’d seen him at a distance. It looked like him, but it didn’t look like his wife. A minute later I discovered, it was, in fact, not his wife that he was on a little shopping excursion with. Before long, I was doing a bit more sleuthing through Facebook and discovered yet another couple in our community that had separated. 

We are shocked
Ernie and I have lost count of the number of our friends, neighbors and people in the community that have broken up. We are often flabbergasted when it is someone who’s been together for years and years. It seems to be such a regular occurrence.

Isn't it supposed to be "for better or worse?"
I mean I get it if there is something really wrong. But what happened to “til death do us part” and “for better or worse”? Are we not supposed to work things out and hang on through thick and thin?

I've seen the worst, and don't like it so much
Let me tell you, we have seen the worse! Together Ernie and I have dealt with our own disagreements, financial challenges, parenting difficulties, mental illness, sick parents, trouble with the law, family feuds, horrible bosses, unplanned pregnancies, vehicle accidents and the list goes on. It has not always been easy. The truth is sometimes in our marriage, it’s been downright nasty. Yet, we stuck through those times.

I much prefer the better
Even bigger than that, we’ve seen the “better side”. On more than one occasion, together, we have watched the sun set over the lake on the most beautiful, calm evening. We have been privileged to see our son throw his daughter up in the air and hear her giggling, out of breath, saying “Again Daddy, again!” We have travelled the country together as proud parents to dance and Tae Kwon Do competitions and to basketball and baseball tournaments. We helped our kids see their dreams come true, from buying a guitar, to buying a house. Ernie and I have sat together, as best friends, night after night at the kitchen table or one the deck sharing the experience of our lives jointly. I couldn’t do it without him.

The challenge though is when everything else gets in the way
Yet not everyone makes it. You might be one of those ones he is hanging on. I commend you for that. Faced with grueling challenges at work, the stuff we have to deal with as we raise our families and our own inner battles around weight, confidence and household duties, there is little left over for our marriage. But we need to figure out how to make our marriage one of the parts of our lives that gets attention.

I've been learning about this for a while now
Ernie and I are celebrating our 27th anniversary this week. We will once again spend it camping together; focusing on giving back to each other. Here are 3 things I’ve learned about creating a successful marriage in the last 27 years.

You know this already: Avoiding tough conversations does not resolve them. It only leaves them to worsen and often leads to deteriorating the effectiveness of your team.
​
It is not always easy to engage in these tricky exchanges. However, if you are a leader who knows that to reach your organizational goals, you must learn to manage those tough conversations, then keep reading.

Taking the Bull by the Horns puts you back in control
Dealing with challenging exchanges is not always easy. I encourage you, however, to take the initiative. You will no doubt need to find your confidence and courage to engage in these conversations. By moving through difficult conversations rather than avoiding them, you will find your team more effective. Additionally, you will discover that you can enjoy your work more as well.​