The "facts"
We do want "it all!"

• There are tons of demands on you at work.
• If you are honest, you are also eager to do the work. No, not all of it, but there are parts of your job you love. Please don't feel ashamed that you are strongly committed to your job!
• You also want to be there for your family, take care of yourself and have strong personal relationships.

The stigma
Honestly, it often feels like you are "damned if you do and damned if you don't" If you give too much at work, you are judged as not being there for your family. The reverse is true too. Take too much time off, waver about travel or talk too much about your kids and your commitment to the job can be in question.

The desire
It's true. Countless studies and online forums have women attest to this. In a recent study from the Ontario Nonprofit Network, women identified flexibility as one thing they were looking for because they were struggling with work-life balance. We desire the freedom to have some flexibility so we can juggle everything a bit easier.

The truth
The demands in social media and the recommendations in reports are clear; organizations need to provide the right culture, offer flexibility, ensure wage equity and offer fair opportunities for advancement. While these are all critical factors, it's only half of the equation.

The other half is you. The truth is you also need to step up confidently.

• It doesn't matter if your organization offers you flexibility if you still feel guilty about saying no to travel and going anyhow.
• It doesn't make a difference if the job offer is there and you hold yourself back from applying on it.
• It doesn't matter if you continue to take on more than you can do, because you struggle to set boundaries, feel uncomfortable holding others accountable for their part or resist asking for help.

It takes two to tangle
You are fully in the challenge. Rather than being the victim of the circumstances, I encourage you to step forward with hope, optimism and a belief that you can find a way to find more balance.


The way - - > Change your mindset
Finding a new way starts with the right mindset.

Ditch the fixed mindset. That is the one that believes:

• Nothing will ever change!
• I can't "change the world"
• It's just the way it is.

Instead, embrace a growth mindset. That is one that believes:

• Bit by bit, things will start to change.
• I impact the way my life is, and I choose to do that.
• I can change my world, and that will ripple out to the bigger world.

If you need some help finding the mindset that will help you find success, tune in to this training on finding your Success Mindset!


The new truth
We can change "the world" together. It's not easy. It will take time. But keep this in mind: Someone has to start. We are being offered a hand...it might seem tentative, but it's there. The sector is demanding equity, fairness and flexibility. It's time we do our part to make it happen.

Believe with your whole heart, that work-life balance IS possible! 
​
p.s. This whole journey starts with believing you can do it. That's confidence, my dear! Make sure to grab your copy of Mastering Confidence and re-read it if need be! Do the free course that goes with the book and then take in extra training here. Master confidence and you'll be well on your way to finding more balance!

How happy are you? Are you content? Do you have moments of peace? Do you feel good? Perhaps you do, but not nearly as often as you’d like to.
 
If you are like most women leaders, your responsibilities and frantic pace leave you feeling frazzled, overwhelmed, irritated and frustrated. Happy, my guess, doesn’t hit the top of the list very often.
 
But what if it could? 

What would more happiness be like?
What would it be like to feel more of those “good” feelings on a regular basis? As one woman inthis survey put it:
“I would go to work at a place I feel valued and appreciated and come home with energy to engage with my family. I’d return to feeling light-hearted which is my natural state.” (Go ahead and do this survey...I'd love your input!)
 
Mmm….. doesn’t that sound splendid?
 
Start with Grit
There is a way to find those feelings. You can foster more happiness in your life, even if you are a woman leader with a lot of obligations, commitments, and responsibilities. One way is by developing gritty hope. That starts with growing the personality trait of grit. 

Not wimpy hope!
​Hope is often misunderstood as luck or fate. “I hope tomorrow will be better” leaves things up to chance. But someone with a gritty personality takes hope one-step further. They will say things like “I resolve to make tomorrow a better day.” To me, that statement is hope on steroids. It’s a gritty hope. Rather than waiting to see what tomorrow will bring, you decided, to make it different.
 
Too many women give up control over their life circumstances
Where many frustrated, irritated andoverwhelmed women leaders struggle, is when they give their power away. They get frustrated with their jerk boss, unappreciative staff, slow-moving peers, unsupportive spouse and demanding kids. They lay blame for the experience of their life on other people. “If they would all just smarten up, life would be fine!” If everyone did things as you want them to do, you would be more productive, more relaxed and yes, even happier right? The problem with that mindset is that you wait for that to happen. And wait. And wait some more. While you are waiting, you stew and moan and get even more irritated. 

You can't wait for life to happen
​But, it doesn’t change, does it? No. People don’t transform into stellar employees, charming bosses, amazing husbands and brilliant children, by us waiting for them to decide to change. Sadly, life is not a fairytale.
 
Take back the reins of your life
Instead, you need to cultivate a sense of hope and optimism WHILE taking action. That action isn’t always going to be easy. It will require action that won’t change things overnight. The action that I am talking about must also be purposeful and focused. AND you will need to take action filled with a powerful sense of hope that it will, over time, make a difference.
 
You will have to think differently
To take this kind of hopeful action takes a serious mindset shift. From giving up our sense of power, and waiting for it to change, to taking back responsibility for our lives requires us to change our thinking. It means we need to develop a growth mindset; one that believes we can change and grow and develop. We need to train our minds to understand the process of change and growth and embrace the time and effort it takes to see results.

Gritty hope puts you back in control of your life experience
​When you develop hope to make your leadership and life better, you move from feeling victimized to feeling in control. You begin to see opportunities, relationships, and experiences in a new way. Your hope helps you to experience more moments of cheerfulness, enjoyment, and peace. Yes, you become happier, when you become grittier.

Measure and increase your GRIT
Do you want to know how gritty you are? Click here to get the worksheet that will help you discover your Grit Score and create a plan to increase your grittiness. Watch this to learn more about the 4 psychological assets of grit at work. Learn more about developing grit in your leadership and life here.

​You can either move into a leadership position, or you can keep plugging along where you are and maintain some resemblance of balance in life.
But you can’t have both.
It’s either a career or balance. You decide!

Hidden Messages Plague Women
​How many times have you heard that you can't have both? Probably not always outright, but if you read between the lines, it’s there. 

• Oh! You need time off for the kid’s dentist appointment? Sure, we can reschedule that meeting, or perhaps, we will just get someone to cover for you. 
  • The hidden message: If you put your family ahead of work, we’ll just replace you with someone who is more dedicated to the job.
• I need you to work late on this.
  • The hidden message: Especially when this is given as a directive, without questioning if you are able, is that it is obvious it doesn’t matter what else is going on in your life, this is more important.
• You look tired/frazzled/rough! 
  • The hidden message: You really can’t handle the pressure of leadership.

​We do it all
So they don’t have to decide either a career or balance, women try to do it all:

Setting the pace for the day, we open our email before the sleepy crust is out of our eyes.  The speed quickens as we scurry around to get the dog fed and the kids out the door on time. We respond to everyone else’s needs all day jumping from meeting to email to conversation. The race continues into the evening as we dash through errands, supper, laundry and whatever event is scheduled that night. To catch our breath, we decide to unwind in front of the TV. However, we still have our email open, trying in vain, to catch up before the wheel begins to spin again tomorrow. 

Missing the meaningful things
​I know that women leaders spend their days chasing fires and solving everyone else’s problems. At the end of their days, thought, they feel as though they didn’t get anywhere. 

• They missed the conversation with their spouse, kid or employee the wanted to have. 
• They didn’t get the chance to work out, again. 
• They never got to read the book they wanted to start
• Nor did they find the time to check in on their favorite client.
• They didn’t get to the passion project that has been sitting on the side of their desk
• Their to do list isn’t any shorter. If anything, it grew. 
• They didn’t find any burst of energy or enthusiasm or joy. 

Change your tomorrow!
Darn right! Tomorrow is another day. I believe that women can choose to change their tomorrows, given the opportunity, support and information. The catch is they have to decide to make the best of opportunities when they are presented. 

Choose a different way
Choosing something different isn’t easy, in fact, it can be painful!

• To say no to the boss or board chair brings its own bag of guilt. 
• Leaving at 5:00 pm when there is still work to do, has a ripple effect into tomorrow. 
• Telling your kid you can’t watch their big game because you will be on the road sets off inner gremlins that can wreck havoc for weeks! 

I know, trust my, I was there. 

Some days, I chose puke
My babysitter Faith was amazing. But that didn’t stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks, as I drove away after dropping off my vomiting toddler at 5:45 am so I could catch the plane to the city for that “big” meeting. It was a choice I had to make. Barfing child or a conference with the big wigs. That day, I prioritized my commitment to my clients and the work our team was doing. On other days, I elected for scrubbing puke off the coach.

Don't live in default mode
Again and again in my leadership, I was presented with opportunities to make choices. How I made my decisions, was the crux of building the life I wanted. If you want to stop choosing between career or life, you have to get good at making other choices. Living your life in default mode and letting others make the decisions for you, creates frustration, bitterness, and resentment. 

I doesn't have to be either/or
I believe a woman can move into leadership positions and at the same time, find a decent amount of balance in their life. To do this, they need to develop the confidence to make good choices. That confidence is the thing that will help them, do the inner work necessary for compelling leadership. By developing themselves, women develop their character and strengthen their integrity. These are the two fundamental traits needed for credible, competent and effective leadership. They are also the two qualities that help women to lead full and rich live both at work and beyond. ​

​THE PROBLEM:
​The problem is you are unhappy with your day-to-day life, but you don’t know how to change it.

• You never get through everything you want in a day, you feel as if you aren’t getting anywhere
  
• You are so exhausted by the time you get home, that you can’t enjoy life.
• You feel trapped or stuck and don’t know what to do.
• Thus, you moan to your spouse, your girlfriend or your mom.
  
• The voice in your head is stuck on “I hate my life!”

THE CONSEQUENCE:
​The consequence of staying trapped can be stagnation, frustration, and bitterness. It can become quite unhealthy for you, your team and your family as the effects spill out around you. Perhaps you’ve already noticed this. Especially, if you, like many, have been bogged down for weeks, months or even years.
 
THE SIMPLE SOLUTION: The solution is to change it. Getting from where you are now to where you want to be is quite simple, right? You just figure out where you want to go and start moving in that direction. It sounds simple perhaps in theory, but we all know, it is not always so easy in real life. At times, getting there can seem downright impossible.

MY STORY:
I know that place of stuck all too well. Time-and-time again I have found that I am once again feeling stalled. I realize I’ve been working hard, but getting nowhere, except worn out. You know that feeling too right?
 
I learned that instead of staying stuck forever, it was when I paused long enough to realize what was going on that I had some great insights. Through conscious pondering, I was able to figure out what I needed to do to get from where I was, to where I wanted to be. Giving myself that time to think allowed me to do a little bit of a pivot in a new direction.
 
That slight shift of direction helped me to create a new strategy to accomplish what I was looking for. With that plan in hand, I was able to proceed forward, despite challenges, opposition and with the fear and doubt that are ever present.
 
THE COMPLETE SOLUTION:
​The key to success has always been a plan. It is the deliberate understanding of what I need to do next, and perhaps even after that has gotten me, and can get you too, through the challenges that are inevitably in front of us when we want a different experience of life going forward.
 
A plan is a roadmap that helps you to move from where you are now, to where you want to be. Think of it as your guide that shows you the next step when you get lost or disoriented. Without it, you might just end up going around in circles. In fact, I believe many of us do that daily. Around-and-around the hamster wheel of life we go, never really getting anywhere.
 
A plan isn’t just simply saying I don’t want this, but I do want that. A well thought out, comprehensive plan includes the steps you need to take and addresses potential challenges and roadblocks that you will face. The truth is, it going to take time and effort to get to your destination. You will need to work at it step-by-step. To be successful, you need to build a thorough plan. 

DEVELOPING YOUR PLAN: 
​Moving from the trapped place of overwhelm, doubt or spinning your wheels to feeling happy, confident and advancing forward each day with purpose, takes effort, time and persistence. It is not easy. The truth is, it can be quite difficult. What makes getting back into motion easier, is one secret ingredient that is often missed. Wishing, hoping and begging will only take you so far. To get the rest of the way, you need that plan.
 
If it’s time for you to jump off of that crazy hamster wheel and move forward, then it’s time for you to develop your plan.

DON’T GET CAUGHT IN THE HAZARDS: 
​If you are like many women, you develop a plan to change your life, only to have it all fall apart just a short time later. That’s because you likely made one of the critical mistakes most women make when trying to develop a plan to change their life.
 
I want to make sure you are successful moving forward. To help you out with this, I’ve developed a list of the 5 mistakes women make when trying to change their life. I’ve also included the “fix” to those mistakes, so you don’t get caught. To get those 5 mistakes, just click here, and I’ll send you the report.
 
Remember, the plan is critical. However, it must be a comprehensive plan to work. Take the time, don’t make these mistakes, and build your plan today! When you do, you’ll find yourself getting unstuck. Instead, you will be moving forward with clarity and purpose. ​​

In a recent article from Forbes magazine, women are encouraged to break through the self-made barriers to be themselves and propel themselves forward. A cheer for women everywhere, yet a hard reality to face. Even though we know this, applying these lessons take courage and commitment. Where can women find that?

Courage
Courage is the ability to face your fears and keep moving. It comes from deep within you. It’s like this flame that burns, heating you up and encouraging you forward. The more you notice it and fan it, the strong it gets. Courage gives you the ability to do things even when you feel like not doing them. 

Time
It takes time. There is no more truth than that. The development of confidence doesn’t all happen overnight. It is continued focus and effort over time that will make the difference. 

Deep Desire
Passion is what heats you up. Think of a truly passionate moment with your lover. Now remember a heated argument. Both are passion. That heat is what gets your adrenaline flowing and gives you the stamina to have wild, passionate sex and to fight for what you believe in. Accessing that passion in your work helps to heat you up also and gets your juices flowing so you can dig deep and stay the course.

Immense Support
The only way through life is in relationship with others. We truly don’t do anything alone. My husband has always been the biggest cheerleader in my life and work. I’ve had good friends along the way who have encouraged me and pushed me forward. I would never have made it through my earlier career without two loving babysitters that not only cared for my children but also understood why I dropped them off each morning. They too supported my work.

Join Kathy October 1, to grow your Confidence & Courage. 
Find all the details here.

Stop striving for work-life balance. It doesn’t exist. Nor should it. Balance is nothing more than societies way of laying guilt on working women

Cindy was seeing her kids for less than an hour a day
She arrived home and had only a brief time with them before she apologetically tucked them into to bed. Each night, she vowed silently to change things. It was the same promise she’d whispered to herself for months. But work needed her.

Cindy tried to make up for it on weekends
She found herself, however, exhausted and with little patience left. The majority of what she had for energy, focus and compassion were used up in the day-to-day grind at the office. Cindy craved balance. She wanted to divide her time between work and home and not have them interfere with each other. Yet she could never find a way to do that.

Work-Life Balance doesn't work
That is because there isn’t a way. If you, like Cindy, have wondered how to better juggle everything to find more harmony in your days, you are not alone. 

Women are tugged at constantly
Working women, especially leaders, feel pulled in all directions. It’s not just work and kids. You also know you need to put some attention to your health and well-being. Likely you have some community groups that you feel a responsibility to. Your marriage, parents, and the renovation projects all scream for their share of your priceless time.

Dividing things equally is impossible
The point is that it is impossible to equally divide your calendar and your energy to each task or area in your life. You can’t spend 1.75 hours with your kids, 8 hours at work and…you get the point. There are weeks that you must work more than 40 hours, in fact, a lot more. Just the same, there are times when your family requires more attention. 

The solution
The answer has been presented in The One Thing by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan. They call it counter balancing. There are a couple of key things to know about this strategy.

Identify priorities
Priories are the things we need to focus on. Everything else needs to be put on the back burner when we are focusing on that priority. This recognizes that we can’t answer the phone, when we are working on a report has been ranked at the top of your list. It also means we shouldn’t be reading emails at the supper table. 

Prioritizing goes deeper than that
In our work days, we chase everyone else’s priorities. Often our own meaningful work never gets done. For example, many indicate relationships are key. Yet, we may plan to talk to an employee for days but never get to that conversation. 

Prioritizing isn’t about ordering the tasks on our to-do list
It is about looking within and determining why we do our work. It is about looking at the bigger picture and having a vision for how to get there. Another great resource on how to do this is the book Essentialism by Greg McKowen.

Lean way out
Counterbalancing recognizes we can’t always walk along a path that is straight. There is no state of being completely balanced. We are constantly in motion. The approach is to sway back and forth. We will need to lean heavily into work some days. Other times life will draw us strongly into it. 

Let yourself lean
When you allow yourself to lean in or out fully you will find more enjoyment and meaning in what you are doing. Imagine being on a beautiful Caribbean holiday, and checking email. That sucks, right? Now image being on that same beach completely shut off from work and simply soaking up the sun. You would find a more gratifying experience. 

Stop feeling guilty
The same is true in projects at work. If you are feeling guilty about missing supper, you aren’t completely focused on the task at hand. Therefore you won’t be doing your best work and it’s going to take longer. 

It takes a bit of getting used to
Keller and Papasan acknowledge it can be bumpy. When we put our focused attention on a priority, it means we are going to lean away from other things.

Engage in Counterbalancing
The key is for the right amount of time. Leaning way out isn’t bad. In addition to a particular work project, perhaps your health and your family are also priorities. If you stay at the office until 6 pm, it’s not the end of the world. Counterbalancing the long day is when you head to the gym after. You further counterbalance when you immerse yourself in reading to your child at bedtime, fully present to him and the story…cell phone in a totally different room. 

Think of counterbalancing as your umbrella
Tightrope walkers carry something the to counterbalance them. They have a weight that pulls them back the other way. Your weight is your other priorities. It might be your health or family. By identifying it as a priority and then giving fully there too, you will find more of the sway back and forth, just as anyone who appears truly balanced is doing. 

When you are out of balance, ask yourself two questions:
1)  Am I currently focusing on my priorities or someone else’s?
If you are focusing on someone else’s, can you stop? Yes, you have a job to do. But are you doing someone else’s work because they didn’t do it? Are you chasing stats that you have sent already? Are you solving a problem that staff can solve themselves? Are you having a conversation that, if left alone for a couple of hours might become a non-issue? If so, step back, pivot and move towards your priorities.

2) What can I do that will counterbalance the effort, time and energy put in here, to pull me back towards my other key priorities in life?
We each have an internal bucket that only has so much within it. Everything continually dips out of that bucket. Conversations drain us. Work exhausted us. Chasing appointments, kids activities and a mile long to-do list depletes our reserves.  What puts back into your bucket? It might be a massage, reading a book, having coffee with a friend or quality time with your family. Do something to put back into your bucket. 

Counterbalancing can save your life
Getting really good as swaying back and forth will be the trick to being able to "do it all". But you must not get stuck on one side for too long. Know all of your priorities. Ensure that you acknowledge your umbrella there to support you.

Rather than the freaking out...I'm gonna lose it soon awkward dance you do, you will find the more controlled and comfortable sway back and forth. And while it may look to the naked eye that you are in balance, you will know you just got really good at counterbalancing. 

Life-changing homework:
Take a moment to write down your top 3 priorities in life and your top 3 priorities at work. Put the list of priorities somewhere that you can see them often. When you are out of balance, look to them to get back on track. 

Developing solid habits will have you move from frazzled & frantic to focused & flourishing. Habits are the magic trick. They are the secret elixir and habits are the golden ticket. Success in any career or facet of life comes as a result of a doing a few things routinely every day. Leadership is no exception. 

2)    Eat breakfast 
You have heard that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. But here, is maybe what you didn’t know about breakfast. Willpower is the ability to stay focused on something or avoid other things. Strong willpower requires fuel. The fuel comes from what you eat and gets turned into the stuff inside you that helps your brain to be focused and clear. That clarity is what you really need in leadership. So, eat your breakfast.

How I do it
I have for years eaten oatmeal every morning. I’ve switched it up recently to an oatmeal pancake (oatmeal, an egg and cinnamon with a tiny bit of water). High in protein, the oatmeal fuels my body to be able to maintain stellar focus to work on what is important. 

3)    Exercise 
Our bodies crave movement, yet we sit most of the day. Get in the habit of going for a walk at lunch or when you get home. You might add a trip to the gym in 3 times a week. Schedule it in your daytimer. You could also make exercise a regular part of your morning routine, seeing as you are going to get up earlier anyhow!

How I do it
One of the biggest changes for my confidence as a leader happened when I started lifting weights. Strengthening my body helped me to stand up taller and stronger and gave me an inner feeling that shows up on my presentation. I do 20 minutes of my mini trampoline several times a week as well as regular walking, yoga and yes, weights.

4)    Take breaks 
Habitually taking breaks lets your body, mind and soul relax. Leaders are “on” all the time. Being able to shut off for a few minutes several times a day helps to counterbalance the magnitude of stress leaders are faced with. Go for a walk around the block, step out back and simply watch the birds. Relax.

How I do it
Each morning, even as I work from home now, I have a break at about 10:30 and eat my yogurt. When I am writing, I use the Pomodoro technique and write for 20 minutes, take a 3-minute break and then do two more sets of 20 minutes. On the breaks, I stretch, look at something other than a computer screen and have a glass of water. 

5)    Practice gratitude 
Practicing gratitude allows us to move our vibrational energy into positivity rather than the negative cesspool we spend much of our days. Appreciate what has gone well. Recognize things that worked or that helped you out.

How I do it
Each morning when I journal I write down a list of what I am grateful for. I try to emotionally connect to that feeling when I write it down. It has meaning for me and my body responds positively when I re-engage those feel good emotions.

6)    Write down goals 
Knowing what you are working on, at work and personally are critical to achieving great things. Yet, many people have no idea what specifically they are focusing on. Writing down your goals, in a place that you can connect to each and every day helps keep them alive and you focused on them.

How I do it
I went through a process in December/January to help me clearly identify what I wanted to be working on this year. I look at those goals every morning. Once a month I write down how I have progressed on that goal. For example, one of my goals was to have 10 women register for Women with Grit this fall. In the summer, I recorded the behind the scenes work I was doing to get ready to open registration this month.

7)    Focus on Priorities
Rather than trying to manage time, successful women know they need to manage the important things. In order to do that, you have to know what is important. That starts with knowing your goals as well as having a clear sense of what is standard day-to-day work. From there, getting clear on the top priorities for the day will help you decide what to do and when to do it.

How I do it
Each morning I write down the 3 things I MUST get done that day. I focus on those three things before I do anything else. Most days, those 3 things are done before 11 am. This also requires I have goals, I review my goals and I keep them up front and center, so I know what my 3 priorities are each day. 

8)    Ritualize pauses 
Pauses are those tiny moments that most of us forget to takes throughout our day. By ritualizing them, you can increase their frequency. Take a deep breath before you get out of your car in the morning, after hanging up the phone or when you return from going to the bathroom (you are taking bathroom breaks right??)

How I do it
I make a habit of taking a deep breath when I notice I'm getting wound up. Whenever I am switching from one activity (writing) to another (social media posting) I stop and take a breath and a stretch. It's not a break, simply a pause.

9)    Note daily lessons
Each of us is provided with lessons on a regular basis. When we notice them, we learn from them. When we don’t, we get the same lesson again, maybe this time with a little more vigor. Instead of a gentle reminder to eat healthy, we end up at the hospital. Forgetting something once, and not learning from it causes a big mess. Noticing lessons requires you to consciously look at situations, consider what you have learned from them and then apply the lesson learned to change it for the better in the future. 

How I do it
In my daily journaling, I note lessons I learned the previous day. I may realize that answering the phone in the middle of my power writing time threw me off and so the lesson is to ignore the phone. It will heighten my will power the next time the phone rings rather than habitually answering it. Noting daily lessons helps me to develop the success habits rather than the mediocre habits. 

10)    Count successes (not failures) 
We have been programmed to notice lack and scarcity rather than abundance. We notice what we didn’t get done on our to-do lists rather than celebrating what we did. Begin to notice successes you’ve had. Note the success when staff who was about to pop their head in the door stepped back and kept moving as a result of boundaries you set yesterday. 

How I do it
As I fall asleep most nights, I make note of all the things I was able to do and accomplish and what worked well. I’ve also at times journaled this in the evening. Noting what I accomplished reminds me of progress on goals rather than only focus on achievement. 

Question:
Adding any or all of these habits will drastically change your success and your happiness levels! What one habit will you work to establish in the next month?

My Confession
Last weekend, I’m sad to admit, I lurked around the aisles of Walmart to see whom a guy we knew was really with. Ernie and were shopping and we’d seen him at a distance. It looked like him, but it didn’t look like his wife. A minute later I discovered, it was, in fact, not his wife that he was on a little shopping excursion with. Before long, I was doing a bit more sleuthing through Facebook and discovered yet another couple in our community that had separated. 

We are shocked
Ernie and I have lost count of the number of our friends, neighbors and people in the community that have broken up. We are often flabbergasted when it is someone who’s been together for years and years. It seems to be such a regular occurrence.

Isn't it supposed to be "for better or worse?"
I mean I get it if there is something really wrong. But what happened to “til death do us part” and “for better or worse”? Are we not supposed to work things out and hang on through thick and thin?

I've seen the worst, and don't like it so much
Let me tell you, we have seen the worse! Together Ernie and I have dealt with our own disagreements, financial challenges, parenting difficulties, mental illness, sick parents, trouble with the law, family feuds, horrible bosses, unplanned pregnancies, vehicle accidents and the list goes on. It has not always been easy. The truth is sometimes in our marriage, it’s been downright nasty. Yet, we stuck through those times.

I much prefer the better
Even bigger than that, we’ve seen the “better side”. On more than one occasion, together, we have watched the sun set over the lake on the most beautiful, calm evening. We have been privileged to see our son throw his daughter up in the air and hear her giggling, out of breath, saying “Again Daddy, again!” We have travelled the country together as proud parents to dance and Tae Kwon Do competitions and to basketball and baseball tournaments. We helped our kids see their dreams come true, from buying a guitar, to buying a house. Ernie and I have sat together, as best friends, night after night at the kitchen table or one the deck sharing the experience of our lives jointly. I couldn’t do it without him.

The challenge though is when everything else gets in the way
Yet not everyone makes it. You might be one of those ones he is hanging on. I commend you for that. Faced with grueling challenges at work, the stuff we have to deal with as we raise our families and our own inner battles around weight, confidence and household duties, there is little left over for our marriage. But we need to figure out how to make our marriage one of the parts of our lives that gets attention.

I've been learning about this for a while now
Ernie and I are celebrating our 27th anniversary this week. We will once again spend it camping together; focusing on giving back to each other. Here are 3 things I’ve learned about creating a successful marriage in the last 27 years.