Do you have a meeting coming up that is worrying you? Maybe you are not exactly worried about the meeting, but more about your ability to handle the meeting?
Perhaps you are worried you'll be anything BUT calm, cool and collected in that meeting later today. What you really want is to learn how to stay composed during that meeting.
In this blog, you'll learn a 3 step strategy for staying composed!
Once upon a time
Once upon a time, I had a meeting with my administrative support. We were meeting to clarify roles: What was her job and what was mine. Things had gotten a little murky around who was making what decisions. I felt like I was losing control.
She had started making more and more decisions that were, in my mind, not hers to make. Being young and new to the role, I was feeling threatened. So, I decided to meet with her, put my foot down and set some clear distinctions about who did what.
Can you guess how that meeting went?
Well, let's put it this way. I still vividly remember it today.
Within a few minutes, she'd questioned my authority. Or at least I felt like she did. I got defensive. (You know where this is going, don't you?) The conversation became heated. I got angry. And yes, it ended in me yelling at her. The whole office heard, not just the sound of angry voices, but every word I said to her. I totally lost my composure.
I wish I could say that was the only time I've lost control of my emotions and my behavior. Sadly, that's not the case. In truth, we all struggle to stay composed at times.
Loss of composure = Shame
Here's the thing. When we lose our composure, do you know what we feel? Shame. Think of times when you might have felt shame:
Do you feel ashamed when you lose your composure?
Shame is not a feel-good word. But shame is what we often feel when we lose our composure.
A trick to getting out of the shame
Shame storms, as Brene Brown calls them, can send us spiralling out of control! One of Brene's recommendations to deal with shame is to identify your triggers. Knowing what might set you off, can help you play offence instead of defence!
DO THIS: Think about your meeting today. What might trigger you?
For me, in that conversation with my administrative support, the trigger was incompetence. At that point in my career, I was new to leadership. I had a serious case of imposter syndrome.
Here's what I believed:
√ If I had known that was my trigger, I could have prepared for it and been able to stay composed!
The 3 step strategy for staying composed!
If you want to learn a system for identifying triggers and learning how to manage your emotions when you get triggered, you can take training on this in my membership site: The Training Library. There is a specific training called: Staying Composed During Meetings, Conversations & Challenging Times. Find out more here.
You have a job to do. A job I know you love. Don't let your emotions get the better of you and keep you from making your difference in the world!
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Women leaders often hit a point where they find themselves in over their heads and wondering if they have what it takes to lead.