I am not perfect. There, I've said it. While this is not news to either me or the people around me, the ability to admit it to others is something I don't do very often. I have this fear of being judged anything but perfect.
I am not a perfect parent. Although I've learned a lot over the last 20 years of raising kids, I have made mistakes, had missed opportunities and failed miserably every now and them. I was not a perfect "Boss". I did not always provide everything they needed to be the best employees they could be and I certainly wasn't as responsive as I could have been. I am not a perfect wife. I am not always there when my husband needs me and don't always fight fair. I am not a perfect Life Coach. I sometimes ask totally ineffective questions and send clients in the wrong place to look for their answers. I am not a perfect friend. I neglect my friends, I interrupt them when they are telling me something important to them and I expect a lot from them!
What I also know though is that I try my best, I work hard, and I learn and I grow. I know I do my best with what is available to me at any given time. Whether that is how much energy or time I have, what skills I have learned or what other things are going on in my life. And probably most importantly, I know that I am no different than anyone else. None of us is perfect.
What amazes me most though is that I've spent years "pretending" to be perfect. To admit to someone that I don't have as many clients as I would like to have, that I am having problems with my kids, that I don't know the answers, that I can't do it, that I got in to a fight with my husband, or that I have put on a few pounds, seems like I would be admitting failure rather than imperfection.
I was challenged this week by a fellow colleague to look at my relationship with perfection and where it gets in the way in my life. I want to be perfect at something before starting it. So I don't start until I really know what I am doing. A few years ago I took swimming lessons because I wanted to go regularly to lane swim. But because I am not really very good at it (a.k.a. not perfect) I am embarrassed to go to lane swim. I don't want to admit to people that after two sets of lessons, I still swallow half of the pool! Therefore I miss the opportunity to practice. I miss the benefits out of attending lane swim like meeting other people, relaxation and exercise. My fear of being judged imperfect gets in the way.
So my challenge for myself is to look at where I am worried about being perfect. Where I am concern that others might be judging me for being anything but perfect. And then, to get over it and get back to enjoying life.
I lead a full life full of love, adventure and growth. Check out my latest thoughts here.
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