As you go about your day as a nonprofit leader, something may happen, and you may feel your body tighten. For example, your stomach knots up, your chest feels heavy, or your throat tightens or feels dry. Perhaps you overreact or shut down. This physical response may be a sign you may have just got triggered.
We often get triggered when something threatens our values. This response results when we feel something important to us is at risk. Here's how I got triggered this weekend... Let me give you an example. I value order. I like things to be in their place, and I like to have things tidy. However, this weekend I was triggered multiple times by mud on the floor and the result from when someone in my house who didn't think it was a problem not to clean their feet before they came in. (Can you guess who?) We're in the middle of backyard renovations. Unfortunately, with this weekend's rain, my backyard was a mud hole. Each time my husband, the dog, or I came in, a pile of mud and dirt came with us. Because a sense of order is important to me, I would take my shoes off outside, ensure the dog's feet were clean before he came in and immediately sweep up any chunks of mud. This is what triggered me... On the other hand, my husband sees the mess as part of the process, so the mess doesn't bother him. So it's not a problem for him to walk around barefoot outside and come into the house. He values freedom, ease and relaxation. He likes to be barefoot, and walking around in the grass and mud doesn't bother him. The house will get cleaned eventually, so what's the big deal? Which camp are you in?
This is how knowing my trigger helped me Knowing that I'm triggered by disarray helps me manage my emotions and be somewhat humourous about my incessant need to clean. Aware that the tightness in my chest is building, I can manage my frustration with my husband by managing my self-talk, taking some deep breaths or distracting myself with something I enjoy. Jenessa's story.. During a coaching call the other day, my client Jenessa became aware that when others aren't accountable for their actions or in-actions, or their responsibilities etc., she is triggered. Jenessa feels her chest tighten, purses her lips, and sometimes clenches her hands. She laughed at the memory of pounding out a response to a chat message when she was annoyed with someone shirking their responsibility. Does either of these feel familiar to you? Just as...
This is why identifying your triggers is important Identifying triggers is part of working with and understanding our values to help us be more emotionally intelligent and confident in our abilities. When you know what's important to you and what it feels like when that thing (i.e. order, accountability) is being threatened, it's easier to choose a response than react in a way you may regret later. Below you'll find steps to help you find the clarity around your value to help you be more intentional instead of reactionary. 5 steps to use your VALUES to be more emotionally intelligent Here is the process to help you find the clarity around your value to help you be more intentional instead of reactionary. 1 - Identify your values 2- Get an understanding of what your values mean to you
3 - Determine how your values show up in your life 4 - Pinpoint what's going on when you are aligned with your values or not 5- Get clear on what triggers show up when things in your life aren't in line with your values This deeper understanding of your values helps you to manage your emotions, navigate tough conversations and focus on what matters most when it matters most! One more example... If you are trying to wind down a conversation at a meeting, you may value timeliness or efficiency. Your annoyance with those who are dragging the conversation out is triggering that value. That's why you are:
Conversely, your peer may be
See how that all works together? Need some help? This month inside my membership, I added a worksheet to the Values Verification course, helping members identify their triggers. If this is part of what you need, or the five steps listed above, check out the course here and if you think it would be helpful, join the membership here. When you join The Training Library membership, you'll become confident in your leadership abilities, learn to bounce back when adversity hits, discover how to be your best self and find a place to belong! Becoming emotionally intelligent and confident in our leadership abilities takes time and requires skill development and increased awareness of what makes us tick! To do this, take responsibility for where you are and where you are going by creating your own personal and professional development plan. Intentional development is your path to success in both your leadership and life. Read this next: The 8 most overlooked definitions in leadership and why they matter
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I bet there are times you wish you could be involved in an engaging leadership experience? Not a one-off course, webinar or conference session, but an experience, over time, that deepens your learning!
In 2012 I did that. For 10 months, about 20 other leaders from around the world and I learned together, online and in person. Four times we met for a week at a time in California. Between those sessions, we met online and had partner projects that required us to meet in person with our partners. It was an incredible experience. It was also one of the most transformative things I've ever done. Not everyone can do something like that, but we can create learning experiences for our teams. Not training per se, but an experience where you learn, grow and develop over time. I am blessed to be working with a large group of nonprofit leaders for nine months to help them become inspiring leaders. Inspiring leaders motivate and engage their teams, so they enjoy their jobs and do meaningful work together. One of the first things I covered with the participants of the Inspiring Leadership group was the four fundamentals of leadership. They are the base for the future of the work we do together. Even though you may not be involved in a group program, you can benefit from these fundamentals and use them over the next several months of your leadership journey. I'll give you a brief overview and share some suggestions that you can do to work on yourself! Then you can create your strategy and plan for growth. The 4 fundamentals of leaders Be yourself As teenagers, we spent a lot of time figuring out our identity, answering the question, who am I? But as we mature, we have spent more time conforming to what's expected of us than who we are and are more focused on; how do I fit in? As such, we've often lost touch with who we are. The first thing I do with individuals or teams is help them identify their strengths, values and morals. Understanding what makes you tick, thrive, and the triggers that make you react is fundamental to inspiring, motivating and engaging others. Suggestion: Take time to consider:
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Develop yourself Ongoing personal and professional development is critical. For example, when I was in the ten-month leadership program, we had a list of required reading, each had a coach, and we learned A LOT about leadership and ourselves. At the end of the course, I committed to continue learning to be a better speaker and joined Toastmasters. I'm still involved! Suggestion: Create your learning plan
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Take care of yourself Taking care of yourself is critical for effective leadership.
Suggestion: Commit to wellness
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Teach others to do the same If you want the best for and out of the people you work with, they need to be themselves, develop themselves and take care of themselves. Teach, role model and mentor these habits to them. Suggestion: Coach your people
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Starting the journey of mastering these fundamentals is critical for you to BECOME confident in your abilities, BOUNCE BACK when adversity hits and BE your best self! I was working with a client this week, let's call her Divya, to develop her quarterly goals. The Goal: Reduce hours working The Outcome: Increased work-life balance The Strategy: To delegate more It's time to delegate more! Seems simple enough, right? If you have too much to do, give some of it away. We all know that it's not quite that simple, so I asked her what roadblocks might get in the way of that? It's not that easy! Quickly Divya indicated she was worried about overwhelming her staff if she delegated more to them. If that's the case, then she's going to fail at her goal before she even starts. Even though Divya wants to reduce her hours and wants to delegate more, her thoughts will get in the way, and she won't do it. Our beliefs get in the way! Our coaching turned to examine her beliefs. A belief is a thought you keep thinking. In this situation, Divya kept thinking she would overwhelm her staff if she delegated more to them. This assumption had become a habitual way of thinking. When we looked more closely at that perception, Divya realized there was some truth to it, but there was more to the story. A belief is a thought you keep thinking Our beliefs aren't always right! After some coaching, Divya came up with these 4 realizations.
You may need to change what you are thinking! The thing that Divya was missing, and that I am guessing you might be missing is that to achieve a goal, you need to not just look at the outcome you desire and the strategy that you will use to get there but that you will also look at what mindset shifts you need to make. The Goal: Reduce hours working The Outcome: Increased work-life balance The Strategy: To delegate more The Mindset Shift: Delegating helps not just me, but my managers and our team Use the Inner Guidance Cycle to shift your mindset We then worked on operationalizing this goal into a daily habit that would lead to Divya achieving success. Divya realized there was no magical number of things she needed to delegate or even types of things. It was more about being intentional about her workload and the process of delegation. She created a habit to help her proceed through the Inner Guidance Cycle. At the end of the day, Divya will work through the INNER GUIDANCE CYCLE:
The Goal: Reduce hours working
The Outcome: Increased work-life balance The Strategy: To delegate more The Mindset Shift: Delegating helps not just me, but my managers and our team Daily Habit: Note where I delegated, thought about delegating or struggled to delegate and what my thought was about that It's your turn! Take time to work through your goals for the upcoming quarter. Notice I don't say for the year. A year is a bit long to really do the deep dive work here. You can set annual goals, and you should. But then break them down to how you will work on that goal each quarter. More Help
Make this year the year to achieve some remarkable leadership goals! Remeber, there is more to goal setting than just writing a sentence down. Also, strong leaders develop their own personal and professional goals AND work on them! Please don't assume your performance appraisal goals are enough. There are likely more details that need flushing out to help you truly feel more confident, composed and comfortable leading with integrity! If you need help with that, message me here! Women leaders: It's time to review 2020It's time to take stock Regardless of what's happened, as each year comes to a close, most of us take stock.
You may do some of this reflection in bits and spurts throughout the coming days. That's a good start. Talk to those around you as well. What's been meaningful, hard or joy-filled for them? Set time aside for intentional reflection I also encourage you to do a bit more of a formal review of your year. Without sitting down being intentional about it, you'll miss opportunities to see where and how you've grown. Snippets of reflection may leave you hopping over key lessons or significant moments of happiness, pride, joy and connection. I strongly encourage you to find an hour in the coming days to review 2020. If you can, take out a piece of paper, a journal or a document on your computer. Note key areas you want to review and then take some notes. Want to dive even deeper? If you are in The Training Library, I just released this month's session: Goodbye 2020. In it, I included a worksheet with several questions to reflect on.
If you aren't in The Training Library, feel free to join now. It's a great time to dive into some of the lessons, worksheets and training to help you put your best self forward in 2021. When you join, you'll get the first two weeks free to check out everything, try out the courses and decide if it's right for you. I'm convinced it will be if you want to have someone on your side available and support you and your leadership growth in the new year. You get the best of my work! The work inside of The Training Library is my passion, my love, and I put my heart into each of the sessions. I want you to excel, transform and live and lead in the most authentic way you can! Are you ready to make 2021 your year?
Make 2021 the year that you put your personal and professional development a priority. When you do, you'll find that you will begin to really enjoy impactful leadership! Make reading a part of your 2020 leadership plan! Ongoing growth and development is a critical component of leadership! You should be reading! Maybe you think you don't have time. Make time! Seriously. Create tiny pockets of time that you can read or listen to a book. It will change both your leadership and your life! YOUR TURN: What made your list of 2019 books?
Comment below and tell me what books I should put on my 2020 reading list! |
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