As a nonprofit leader, you've probably struggled with your emotions during a meeting. And, you know that feeling of being about to lose your composure is not fun! I've been there too, and it sucks!
When we are out of control, we are often reacting to what's going on:
All of these are examples of losing control. In these situations, we feel powerless to hold onto our feelings and behaviours. We simply react. Are You Playing the Blame Game? Many of us blame that reaction on other people around us or the situation. Those darn Kleenex commercials always make me cry. My daughter tells me it's my fault that she cries. If I cry, it makes her cry. We do the same in business settings.
We Give Our Power Away When we hand our thoughts and feelings to other people or the bigger "world," we give our power away. So, in essence, you are saying. I am not in control of my emotions, or I am not in control of the way I act. It's that belief that makes you feel powerless. When you feel powerless, you certainly don't feel confident! Who's fault is it? It's not anyone's fault, but we look to lay blame somewhere. Really, is it the rain's fault that you feel sad? No. Nor is it your boss's fault that you feel overwhelmed. And it's not the employee's fault for questioning something in a staff meeting. I know it sure feels like it. But hear me out for a moment. Regain Your Sense of Control When you gain access to what is going on inside of you, you can regain your sense of control and power. We can see rain as a pain in the butt or a blessing. We can enjoy the sprinkles as we take out our umbrellas or grumble and groan at how it's wrecking our plans. It's up to us how we see it. In the same way, when we do self-reflective work, we can begin to feel grateful for the disgruntled staff member. They are growing our conflict resolution. Take Back Your Power With This Tool Here is the tool to gain back that control and increase your confidence. Using the Inner Guidance Cycle, you can shift from giving your control away to taking your power back. There are 4 steps to the Inner Guidance Cycle: Pause, Ponder, Pivot and Proceed.
Let's use the example from above to see the Inner Guidance Cycle in action. 🛠 The Tool: The Inner Guidance Cycle in Action PAUSE: Stop and take a deep breath. When your boss hands you another task, and you begin to feel overwhelmed, then PAUSE. Often, our first reaction is to direct frustration and anger at our boss. That gives power to them. They are in control of how you feel if you let them be. When a team member asks a pointed question at the staff meeting, you may feel triggered and put on the spot. You know they said it to make you look bad. Your automatic reactionary response is to lash back at them. Before you react, pause! Take a deep breath and begin to tune into yourself. PONDER: Reflect on what is going on inside of you. Take time to check your thoughts, feelings, and body sensations. These are the parts of your Inner Guidance System. Just like a compass, they can guide you. Take time to PONDER and reflect. They help you identify your triggers. 1️⃣ Thoughts: Do you think your boss is a jerk? Perhaps you are wondering how you will ever be able to handle the workload. You might be thinking that you have to do it immediately. But, on the other hand, you could be telling yourself how unfair this is. Do you believe this employee is trying to get you fired? Do you want to squash them, quiet them or put them in their place? Just notice the thoughts. 2️⃣ Feelings: Are you experiencing a sense of overwhelm? Anger? Frustration? Despair? Incompetence? 3️⃣ Body Sensations: These are often the clues that tell you what you are feeling. They help you become smarter about emotions and better able to name and tame them in the future. For example:
Start to reflect on what set you off. You're still PONDERING at this stage. 🤔 What was the trigger? Take time to consider what caused you to react strongly and quickly.
When a team member asks you a question at the staff meeting, and you immediately feel your composure slipping, consider the trigger.
Example of triggers Our triggers are often around "not enoughness."
You may also be triggered by
💭 What mistaken beliefs do I have? "I have to do this now." Do you really?
"I have to do it perfectly." What does good enough look like? What is the real expectation versus my own "perfectionist" expectations? "I can't say no."
"I need to have an answer."
"They are out to get me."
💜 What values are not being honoured here? Perhaps your value of family time is being squashed because you will now have to work late. Maybe you feel that you will have to rush this project or another one now, and that impedes your value of doing good work. Perhaps you are not feeling respected or appreciated. This whole reflection piece in the PONDER stage of the Inner Guidance Cycle serves to awaken new insights. This awareness is what allows you to take back control. As you sift through all of the stuff inside you, you'll see the mess of thoughts, feelings and body sensations begin to settle, and you'll often be left with a clearer picture. It is that clarity that can make you do a bit of a shift in your thoughts and feelings. That is the PIVOT stage. PIVOT: Shifting how you see things When you see things in a new light, you shift your perspective. PIVOTING allows you to head in a different direction. Perhaps instead of feeling out of control and angry with your boss, you take a deep breath and ask if you can have a moment of their time. PROCEEDING back into action When you are proceeding, you are taking your finger off the pause button and PROCEEDING back into motion. You might ask if you can renegotiate the deadline. You might suggest splitting the task between you and another person. You might say no. Any of these actions put you back in control and feel an increase in confidence. By moving through the steps of the Inner Guidance Cycle, Pause, Ponder, Pivot and Proceed, you begin to take back your inner power. Instead of feeling out of control, you begin to regain a sense of power. But this time, it is internal power. It isn't your power over the situation or power over another person. Instead, you've found your voice. You've connected to what is truly important and discovered your strength from within. That's the true meaning of being in control. This inner power is your inner confidence. To be in control of yourself, do the inner work. Connect to your Inner Guidance System. You'll be glad you did!
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We've all been to a nonprofit staff meeting where there are items that shouldn't be on the agenda. And often, it makes for a painful and long-drawn-out meeting. We wonder to ourselves or text our colleagues, "Why are we even talking about this?"
Often that's because nonprofit leaders haven't learned what belongs on a staff meeting agenda. Without training on how to run a staff meeting, we are left to follow what our predecessor did. If they did it for so many meetings, it must be the right way, no? Not necessarily. Learning what goes on your staff meeting agenda will help you feel more confident, competent and in control. Ask yourself these questions:
Let's start first with what's on your staff meeting agenda. Your staff meeting agenda should be prepared and provided to those who will be in attendance several days before the meeting. They need to know what to expect. Therefore, they may need to prepare. Additionally, if you are running an engaging and collaborative meeting, your team members may have items to add to the agenda. So what should go on a staff meeting agenda? Here are 10 questions you can ask yourself when you prepare for your next staff meeting Does this belong on your nonprofit team staff meeting agenda? 1) Does everyone need to know it and discuss it? If it is an item that only certain people need to discuss, either put it on a different meeting agenda or put it at the end of their agenda so that those people who the topic is not relevant for can leave early 2) Can it be done as an email update? If you were providing information, an email update might be fine. If you need a discussion around something, you may want to give the email update first so that people have time to prepare before the meeting. It's important to be clear on the agenda item what the agenda item is. It's not information sharing. Instead, the agenda item becomes
3) Is it the right time? Often we start talking about things before we have all the information, knowledge or information, and it can create anxieties, tension and confusion. Or we talk about things that aren't yet resolved, and really people shouldn't be privy to yet. Be cautious and trust your gut when you ask yourself, "Is it the right time to talk about this at this meeting?" Your intuition will know best. 4) What is the point of sharing it? Are you sharing information because it's something employees need to know, because it will help them somehow or because they need to prepare for it? If you can't figure out the point is for sharing it, don't share it. If you do know the point, be clear on what the point is. Please don't assume that everyone knows why you're sharing it. 5) Is everyone there that needs to be included to discuss this item? It's annoying to have a discussion that can't be resolved because the key stakeholder isn't at the meeting. When this happens, we often go around and around, but no one can make a decision or answer a question because the person with that power, authority or knowledge isn't at the meeting. Be sure the key players are at the meeting for that particular item if you put it on the agenda. 6) Do we have time for that discussion? Some discussions take time. When an agenda is crammed full, and we throw a topic in there and expect to brush over it, that often causes frustration for the people in attendance. They won't have time to explore, ask questions, provide suggestions and dig deeper. Brainstorming, for example, cannot be done well in three minutes. If an agenda item needs more time, create a separate meeting for it. 7) Is this the most efficient use of our time? Pulling a team together is costly and takes significant organizational time and resources. So make sure you're using that time and those resources wisely. 8) If this is a sensitive conversation, is it the right time to discuss it? Even though some topics are relevant for everyone, sometimes those conversations are difficult. It's not always the right time to discuss them. That may have to do with what's going on organizationally, in the world, or someone's family. Remember to be sensitive about the topic you put on your agenda. 9) Consider the urgency of the matter. Even though everything may be relevant to the agenda, that doesn't mean it needs to go on the agenda. If it's not an urgent topic and the agenda is already full, hold onto that topic for a future meeting. Give time and attention to the most pressing things, not just for you in the organization but also for your employees. 10) Is this the right place for this agenda item? Lastly, once you've decided that it does go on the agenda, be considerate of where you place it on the agenda. Things that need more discussion and focus should be done earlier on. Additionally, things that need more composure for a difficult conversation should be done earlier. You want to end on a positive, uplifting note. Therefore ensure the last item will make people feel good as they leave the meeting. Running an effective and engaging staff meeting is much easier when you are more conscious and intentional about creating your staff meeting agenda. DO THIS: 1) Schedule a few minutes into your calendar to prepare your agenda. 2) Consider what belongs on your agenda, running potential items through the above list of questions. 3) Feel confident, capable and in control as you run your next team meeting. Preparing is one of the first steps to feeling more confident running a staff meeting. When you prepare your staff meeting with intention, you will feel more confident, and your team will find it much more valuable and engaging. Even for nonprofit leaders, summer feels different for most of us. The sun is shining, the weather is warmer, and kids are out of school. That, however, for most of us, doesn't mean we don't have to work.
We still need to get things done. It's just a different pace for most of us, and that slower pace gives opportunities to do other things. Last week we talked about 4 easy steps to keep your nonprofit productive on projects over summer. This week we are going to cover three things to do this summer that will make you a better leader. Three things to do this summer that will make you a better leader 1 - Clean your desk Often the clutter gathers, the piles grow taller, and the sticky notes begin to blend together. The physical clutter creates mental clutter. 👉 DO THIS: Set aside a half hour to sort through what's on your desk. This time doesn't have to be a deep dive into everything that's there, but we orient yourselves to what is there. You may create piles for these 3 areas:
Creating physical space will create mental space. If you need more mental space, read this: 3 tips for helping you create thinking moments. 2 - Read a book Whether you're a regular reader or not, make sure that you set aside some time in summer to read at least one leadership book and one nonwork-related book. Both will help you come up with new ideas, grow yourself and relax. In addition, this list will help you find some books if you're interested. 👉 DO THIS: Schedule a few minutes to order a book, borrow a book or ask for a book recommendation from someone. Here are some suggestions: Read these 6 impactful books this summer | Feel your leadership confidence grow 3 - Ask for feedback Sadly, leaders rarely get specific, helpful feedback. Summer, when it is potentially a bit quieter, is a perfect time to set up some one-to-one time with some of your employees to solicit that kind of feedback. 👉 DO THIS: Schedule some time with a few of your employees. Perhaps it's a walk in the park, sitting at the picnic table or an online call where you're both on your decks. When you create the space for a relaxed chat, it's the opportunity to ask for some feedback in a more friendly way. Here are three questions you can ask your employee to get valuable feedback:
If you are looking for more tips for feedback, this webinar may help: Gather input to reach your potential When you take time this summer to do something different to focus on your leadership development, you'll find yourself growing both personally and professionally. What else do you try to get done over the summer to help you be a better nonprofit leader? Add your ideas below so we can all inspire each other! Are you anxious about losing momentum over the summer on some key projects and initiatives that your team is working on? As employees move into summer mode, the ability to keep things rolling can be challenging and trying for leaders.
Fear not! Here are 5 ways to use summer to gain momentum rather than lose it. I'm distracted before holiday time When I am getting ready to go on vacation, the final working days are focused on tying up loose ends so that nothing unravels while I'm gone. My mind is on red flags and potential hotspots. I am not focused enough to be able to sit down and do the deep thinking that is often required on larger projects. I'm trying to get caught up when I get back Upon returning from vacation, the following days are dedicated to putting out any fires that arose, catching up on the office happenings and trying to clean out my inbox. Unfortunately, once again, I am not usually in the right frame of mind to be able to dig deep on a project. The day or two before we leave on holiday and certainly the days after we come back are often considered write-offs for most people. Combine everyone's time off, and it seems like a lost few months. Therefore when someone is away for a week, it feels like you've lost two weeks to focus on a project. Add to that the sunshine, ice cream cones and the kids being out of school as distractions, and it's even harder over summer to get anything done at the office. So it's easy to see how we can lose momentum in team projects as people alternate being away for summer vacation. A leader can choose to see summer differently As the leader in charge, it can be disheartening for you to see a project come to a standstill. However, projects do not have to get derailed over the summer. When you step back and see the gift in this shift of office rhythm over summer, you can put it to good use! Summer schedules can allow more focused project time The truth is you can accomplish a lot over summer because there are fewer distractions in many ways. In summer, there are fewer people in the office, fewer meetings and generally a slower pace. Use this to your advantage to get ahead on some of the components of the project. 5 ways to use summer to gain momentum rather than lose it 1️⃣ First, break the project down between group and individual tasks A meeting between two people can be more effective than a large group meeting. 👥 A duo can:
🙋♀️ Individually, you can:
2️⃣ Block off time to work on the project Our role as leaders is often mentoring. Therefore, summer is an excellent time to show how to get things done despite the season. Typically our calendars are less scheduled in the summer. As a result, it's easy almost to get almost lazy as we go through days. 📆 Schedule time into your calendar When you block off a set time to work on a project in your agenda, it gives you the ability to focus during those 2 hours. 🗣 Communicate your intentions Tell those around you that you are unavailable and not to disrupt you. Treat the time you have identified as if it were a meeting with another person. This not only keeps others from chatting with you but adds in the layer of accountability. By clearly identifying to others that we are working on a project, you tend to feel more motivated to stay on task. After all, if you say you are working on it, you should have something to show for it after. 🙋♀️ Get others to participate Ask participants on the team also to identify a block of time or times when they are working alone on the project. Have them identify what precisely they will be doing during that time. Ensure they commit to their part by a specific date. ✅ Keep everyone accountable Hold each other accountable for what you say you will be working on. Set conversation times with others for the afternoon when it is easier to get derailed. Perhaps meet out at the picnic table or do a walking meeting. Getting outside will infuse creativity and innovation into your conversation and give you some time to enjoy all that summer has to offer. 3️⃣ Set realistic goals for summer Start by looking at a calendar and people's schedules to determine how much time you have to work on the project over the summer period.
🖥 Put the summer plan and targets in a place everyone has access to. Having identified targets to work on keeps people motivate and on board. 4️⃣ Build in frequent review systems Review is a critical component of goal achievement. It keeps people aware, engaged and interested. Listed below are some ways to develop a review system for your team.
Get excited and lead your team to a productive summer Please don't throw up your hands now and say it's useless to get anything done this summer. Instead, give yourself a knowing smile as you:
What will you do to keep the momentum going in your summer project? Hit reply and let me know! Is it time for you to work on you? Is summer a time when you want to recommit to your learning journey, set your personal and professional goals, and get started on the next steps? You may be interested in this series of training in my membership site The Training Library "Can I interrupt you for a second – do you have a minute?"
This is the sound of productivity being shot through the roof. However, every day, we need to decide how much time we want to spend focusing on our work and how much time we want to give to our nonprofit staff. The other morning I had an interruption just as I started my workday. I bet you've had that happen to you. Just as you begin something, there's a knock at the door or a text or phone call. How do you know when to deal with or ignore the interruption? Consciously deciding when to let interruptions in and when not helps you focus on what you need to focus on when you need to, set clear boundaries, and be there for people when they need them. Learning to balance your people and your projects is a balancing act for most leaders. We need to get stuff done. We have reports to write, emails to send, applications to fill out, preparation for meetings, and all the other stuff that goes along with achieving our mission-driven work. Effective leaders learn to balance the "task work" with being in relationship with (aka being there for) the people who do our organization's client and community work. The question is: How do you know when to let the people side of your work interrupt the task side of your work and, conversely, when to stay focused on the task? My interruption My interruption this morning was from my granddaughter. School is out now. When I see my granddaughter's name pop up on my phone, I know that she's likely looking for some attention or that something is wrong. She's ten years old and home alone in the morning for a couple of hours. I answered my phone to discover she wanted to borrow some eggs so she could make herself French toast. Your interruption For you, it may be a staff that needs to look over their work, a crisis that has blown up, or somebody who wants to pick your brain. You may have a good idea of who the interruption is from and be able to use that information to help you make a decision. How I dealt with my interruption In addition to wanting to borrow eggs, my granddaughter wanted to know when I was going for a walk, and I could tell she was bored. So I told her to come over and get the eggs, and I would look and let her know when my break was later in the day so we could go on a walk together. How you can deal with your interruptions Learning how to deal with interruptions in a way that feels good to you starts when you build a framework around decisions making. Here are 3 steps to consider to help you make decisions about interruptions you can feel good about. STEP # 1 - Start by being clear with what's on your agenda While I didn't have calls scheduled for that early in the morning, I did have a project I was working on slotted into that time frame. Awareness of your agenda items is one of the critical factors in deciding whether to allow yourself to be interrupted. Scheduling in non-meeting tasks creates a meeting with yourself, a commitment and a tool for determining if you will let the interruption in. 🤔 Ask yourself these questions:
STEP # 2 - Set clear boundaries I told my granddaughter she could come over and get the eggs, but I didn't have time for a long chitchat. However, even though I set that boundary, she lingered when she showed up, and I had to nudge her out the door after about nine hugs! You've been there, right? You answer the question or deal with the issue, and then you do the typical nonverbals to suggest that the conversation is over. You even may say something like, ok, I better get back at it and yet they still stand there, ask more questions, hem and haw etc. Here's the tricky part about allowing interruptions. It's creating a time frame boundary around the interruption. 🗣 Try using these phrasesYou will need to be extremely clear on the timelines upfront and continue to communicate those timelines throughout Here's an example
The clearer you can be with your boundaries, the easier it is to hang up the phone, end the chat, or shut the door at the end of the interruption. As much as my granddaughter wanted to linger, I knew it was time for her to go as I walked her to the door. I followed up, ensuring she knew what time I had a break later and that I would message her to go for a walk with her then. I didn't brush her off. Instead, I scheduled time to connect with her when I could give her my undivided attention. STEP # 3 - Know what's important to you I had to know what's important to me, what I value Finally, it's essential to know and understand your values. Family is incredibly important to me. My granddaughters mean the world to me, but I'm also committed very deeply to the work I do for you. Balancing connection to family and deep, meaningful work has been a lifelong challenge. It's not something that comes easily, there is no quick formula, and the parameters will continually change. You, too, need to be clear on what you value My advice to you here is to be as transparent in your mind as possible. Try these two questions.
❤️ Start with verifying your values Through the Values Verification course exercises, I recognized that my top value is not family. Instead, my top value is excellence. That clarity around what is ultimately important to me helps me make these decisions more clearly. How can I provide excellent quality to you and, at the same time, be an excellent grandma? The answer is by giving quality time and attention to the project that I had scheduled for that morning and quality time and attention to my granddaughter. I had to be "excellent" in both areas If I had let my granddaughter interrupt my morning for any longer than I did, I would not have been an excellent grandma; I would've been a distracted grandma. Letting her interrupt the time I had scheduled for the project would have made me feel edgy. I would have been thinking about what I "should" be doing. I would have been trying to end the little visit multiple times, but discreetly, so she didn't feel like I was finishing it. It would have come across as icky for both of us. I honoured my value of excellence in two areas of my life by setting and communicating clear boundaries and scheduling time for both areas.
3 questions to help you feel good about the decisions you make Making decisions about interruptions like this doesn't come easily or quickly. It takes time to understand how to make these decisions more quickly. That time often comes through after-the-fact self-reflection. ✏️ Take a moment to think about your decisions in the last 24 hours.
Engaging in ongoing self-reflection helps you prepare for future decisions, communicate boundaries, and apologize when you get it wrong because we likely will more than once. Sometimes it is worth letting someone interrupt you, and sometimes it isn't Time, or lack thereof, is the biggest bottleneck for most nonprofit leaders because there are so many other demands on your time and attention beyond your core mission. There are always more things that you need to do. However, we also learn to balance what time we give time to our people and when to use it for projects. Being clear with what's on your agenda, knowing what's important to you and communicating clear boundaries will help you be both productive and create engagement with your nonprofit team! READ THIS NEXT: 3 Decision-making mistakes you may be making and quick the fixes Episode # 58 - Learn a decisive decision-making hack and how to use it - For women leaders Nonprofit Leaders | 10 important questions you must ask before your next decision |
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