Someone lied to me the other day. It was a lie to cover up a lie. I knew it right away. I'm not sure that they knew it, though. Maybe not consciously. I think it's a habit for them.
Regardless of whether they knew or not that they lied to me, their habit of lying caused me to lose another measure of trust in them. Trust, one of the foundations of leadership, is built by leaders' decisions, one decision at a time. Each decision builds on the other, solidifying how much someone feels you are trustworthy. However, how much someone trusts you can come crashing down, broken by one seemingly small decision. Many of our decisions in leadership and life are unconscious, and this is where problems can begin. No, we can't think about every little choice and decision we make. However, as leaders, we need to be more consciously aware of how we make decisions, small and big. Furthermore, we need to be much more aware of the unconscious habits we make around certain types of decisions. Your decisions paint a portrait of who you are. Each decision is a brush stroke of your character. Your character is who you are, not what you do. It's how people talk about you. Your character is your reputation or what they think about you. For example, we may speak in awe of certain women's characteristics:
Then at times, we cringe at other character traits that some women exude:
So you see, your reputation or character matters! Back to the person who lied to me. The thing is, I know this person will add other lies to the painting regularly. As such, I see them as a liar. Don't get me wrong. These are not always big lies. But, often, the lies I am talking about are:
But, it's not only lying. How about racist humour? I know someone else who makes comments about certain races, genders, religions or personalities but always minimizes their supposed intended impact with a joke, a chuckle or a caveat that they are not biassed or prejudiced. Oh, but the picture they are painting, by choosing to say these things in the first place, tells a different story to my eyes. These are more dramatic examples of how we shape our character. However, think now about the much more subtle decisions you make all day long and how they may affect how others view you as their leader.
These unconscious, small decisions often paint a picture of the type of leader you are. The point is to choose the image you're painting. To do that requires you to be more conscious of your decision-making, especially your micro-decisions. Micro-decisions are made all day long and are rarely seen as decisions because they are often more like habits. But make no doubt about it, you can choose differently. Consider these examples of micro-decisions:
Micro decisions shape your character, paint a picture of who you are and tell others the type of leader you are. Three steps to becoming more conscious of your microdecisions and making better ones! 1) Pick a short period each day for a week. 30 - 60 minutes is good enough. It could be a meeting, 1-1 conversation, or when you are working at your computer. 2) Remind yourself to do self-reflection for 1 minute after the time
3) Make a note of any micro-decisions you made during that period On a piece of paper, in your notebook or on an electronic note, make one of your micro-decisions. Each time you do this over the week, come up with at least 3 per period and look for new ones each time you do the minute of self-reflection. Each time you do this, you'll become more and more conscious of the micro-decisions you are painting. Take some time to consider if these micro-decisions are painting the picture of the type of leader you want to be. If not, what will you need to do to become more conscious about these micro-decisions, and how will you change them? Our decisions shape us and shape others' views of us. Are your decisions matching what you want that view to be? What to read next: How to worry less about what you DO and plan more for who you are BEING Nonprofit Leaders | 10 important questions you must ask before your next decision Should you care more about what your nonprofit employees think about you? Podcasts to listen to: Episode # 16 - Discerning Before Deciding - Here's How Episode # 32 - Three questions to help you make better decisions Episode # 58 - Learn a decisive decision making hack and how to use it - For women leaders Most women leaders in nonprofits have never received training on HOW to make decisions decisively, yet decisiveness is a crucial competency of leaders. To feel confident in making decisions, you need to know how to make decisions! If you want to learn the three-step process to make decisions quickly and efficiently with your integrity intact, click here. When you cancel your regularly scheduled supervision with someone, do you tell them it's because you have another more important meeting, you are exhausted, or because you can't stomach the conversation you'll have with them? Which one is closest to the truth?
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PLAAs a nonprofit leader, you need more time to think! But how much time does it take to be a better thinker and leader? Read this blog post for the surprising answer. HINT: Not very much time!
When I'm talking to clients and suggesting that they book some time in the calendar for thinking, they expect me to tell them it will be an hour or maybe even 30 minutes. They're often surprised when I suggest anywhere between two in 10 minutes. Overcome this challenge first The challenge is that most of us are not present in this moment. Instead of being mindful, we are thinking about either the past or the future. For example: ✦ We may have anxious thoughts circulating in our minds about what's coming up in our schedule. ✦ Alternately we may be ruminating about what happened at the last meeting. Then you'll be able to be intentional with your thinking quicker To be intentional with your thinking, you need to be in this moment so you can think about only what you need to think about. When you give yourself the gift of a moment or two, I call them thinking moments often, and the thinking happens really fast. 3 tips for helping you create thinking moments. ONE: Take your hands off the keyboard when you finish a call, meeting, or dealing with your inbox or project. Put them on your lap and take a deep breath. TWO: Ask yourself:
When you give yourself the moment to connect to what you need to process, purge and plan, I guarantee thoughts will come into your head. THREE: Either in your head or grab a piece of paper and make a quick note.
Then ask yourself
You may come up with answers like these:
Once you have been mindful of what you need to think about, you can head on to the next thing on your agenda. Giving yourself the gift of just a few moments to regroup and identify where you need to plan, process and purge will help you move forward. The thing is, I know you spend most of your days running around, chasing fires, dealing with crises and solving everyone else's problems. I know because I did it too for way too many years! I learned that getting intentional about creating thinking moments made an incredible difference. Will you do it too? Extra resources to help you think "better." Over the last few weeks, I've been writing about different kinds of thinking. I've linked those thoughts up below. Each of these links is a blog post with more information about different thinking necessary for leaders. NOTE: I've added some of the courses inside my membership site, The Training Library, for those of you who are members. Creative Thinking Nonprofit Leaders – Are you doing the right kind of THINKING today? Possible courses/lessons to look at
Strategic Thinking Nonprofit leaders, you need to stop wasting time rushing your thinking! Possible courses/lessons to look at
Decision Making Nonprofit Leaders | 10 important questions you must ask before your next decision Possible courses/lessons to look at Reflective Practice Be a wise woman leader with these 10 reflective thinking questions Possible courses/lessons to look at Have you noticed that when your thoughts are swirling around, you're often stuck reliving a memory that didn't feel so good or rehearsing a tragedy in the future? Neither feels good.
OMG, that meeting was awful! I can't believe they said that!
Your thought process can provide learning opportunities Our thoughts don't always need to spiral us into a downward tailspin. When we slow our thinking down, pause, and add an element of mindfulness to our thought process, our thinking can become a learning tool. Following the learning component, we may change our mindset, behaviour or perspectives on what happened or is coming up. Sometimes when we slow our thinking down, we are more of a strategic thinker. Other times our more conscious thoughts help us plan or make a decision. Today though, I want to focus on reflective thinking. First, let's look at different kinds of thinking and roughly categorize them as unconscious (swirling thoughts) and conscious thinking. Uncounsousious thinking Worry, anxiety and regret - full of judgment, blame and shame statements Often polarized or absolute thoughts
Conscious thinking Strategic thinking - connecting dots, seeing the big picture, looking into the future Planning - adding action elements Decision making - critical thinking, decisiveness Reflective thinking - curiosity, openness and exploration We often miss the reflective thinking piece that so often would be wise to do before the other kinds of conscious thinking. Reflective thinking as a practice In our sector, practitioners are often taught the skill of reflective practice. The idea behind turning reflective thinking into a practice is specifically for learning opportunities. Experience alone doesn't always teach us what we need to know. Developing a practice of reflecting on what happened helps us create meaning from an experience. This new meaning allows us to deepen the learning of an experience and helps us to consider perhaps what we'd like to do differently in the future. How to be a good reflective thinker Reflective thinking begins with a question instead of a statement. Most of the questions we ask ourselves during our reflective thinking time are what questions—a why question often evokes defensiveness. But instead, what questions help us be more curious and ditch the judgment. The ultimate goal of reflective thinking is to learn from your leadership experiences. You are considering three main points.
10 Reflective thinking questions to prompt learning To help you deepen your learning after an experience, take a few moments to journal your answers to the following questions: To help you deepen your learning after an experience, take a few moments to journal your answers to the following questions: 1) What happened? 2) What body sensations did I experience?
3) What thoughts were going around my head?
4) What emotions did I feel as it was happening? 5) Which of my values were triggered during this exchange? 6) What perspective was the other person(s) in? 7) What did I do well in managing that situation?
8) How would my best self handle a similar situation in the future? 9) What strengths do I need to put to work more often? 10) What will I do differently next time? When you take time to pause, slow down your thinking and reflect, you'll learn more. That learning will provide insights into how to change your mindset, behaviours or intent, thus leading more authentically and effectively. Need more help? In my membership site, The Training Library, I offer additional training to help you make create reflective thinking practices. Here are some you may be interested in checking out:
Watch this session on YouTube here
LINKS from today's session
Find MY BOOK - Mastering Confidence: Discover your leadership potential by awakening your inner guidance system
Once you’ve stopped (PAUSE) to reflect on what’s been going on (PONDER) and shifted your perspective on things (PIVOT) you need to back into action (PROCEED)
Proceeding forward by taking that action isn’t always easy!
In this training session I teach you the 2 steps you need to take to get back into in action.
LINKS from today's session
Find MY BOOK - Mastering Confidence: Discover your leadership potential by awakening your inner guidance system
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