If you’ve got a tough meeting coming up and you want to learn how to feel empowered going into it, you may find Sandra’s story very helpful!
Sandra's schedule today...
Sandra has a meeting today with her boss, and she's been dreading it for a week! She knows that her boss is going to make her feel stupid, small and even scared.
But that's not how the meeting is really going to go down!
Sandra knows that "help" is going to be via her boss, pointing out everything she's done wrong, needs to work on and by her boss highlighting Sandra's weaknesses.
Sandra's mind has been working overtime!
Since Sandra's boss scheduled the meeting, Sandra has been rolling around the worst-case scenario in her mind. She has imagined being fired on the spot, being raked over the coals and being belittled, berated and bullied. Hence, the knot in her stomach!
It's no wonder Sandra is dreading this meeting!
Do you know what? Sadly, probably most of what Sandra fears will come true!
It's not all bad news, though! In fact....
Do you know what? None of that means Sandra has to believe all of that. Nor does she have to take it all as absolutes, truths or even helpful advice.
Sandra gets to choose what part of what she hears is helpful.
She can choose to pick between the nastiness, the glaring errors and well-intentioned, but still hurtful comments and find out what's valuable in between those comments.
Sandra gets to take back control!
What's more, Sandra gets to decide how she will proactively continue to grow and develop in her leadership role.
Here's an example of the kinds of messages Sandra's boss might share:
Sandra's mindset, what she thinks, matters most!
MINDSET # 1
If Sandra chooses to see herself as flawed, she will take these kinds of comments to heart. The knot in her stomach will grow to a tightening in her chest as she thinks:
MINDSET #2 (THE BETTER OPTION)
But if Sandra chooses to hear the messages differently, she will PAUSE, take a breath. Then Sandra will PONDER and consider the comments and what else might be true:
Option # 2 helps Sandra see things with a more confident perspective
Sandra then might use curiosity to PIVOT to new thoughts:
Instead of feeling beaten down, Sandra can run through the Inner Guidance Cycle and feel back in control. She can take the core of the feedback (too much overtime) and hear it for what it is—Feedback.
How does this help Sandra get rid of the knot in her stomach before the meeting?
Rather than a victim, Sandra becomes response-able!
By knowing she has control of the thoughts, by choosing how to hear messages and by intentionally choosing to not take things personally in the meeting, but rather focus on the content, Sandra will lessen the emotional charge going into the meeting. She becomes response-able!
When Sandra chooses her thoughts, she feels her confidence soar!
And…because I know Sandra has read Mastering Confidence, I know, that she knows, that being confident in a meeting, isn't about what someone else thinks. It's what you believe about yourself that matters.
Sandra is also working on staying composed!
Oh, and because I know Sandra is watched the webinar: How to Prepare for a Tough Talk so you can handle it with integrity in The Training Library, I know she's prepared and If…then…plan for when she gets triggered. She knows what kind of comments might trigger her and cause her to lose her composure, and she's planned her response and practiced it ahead of time.
If she calls me emotional, I know it will make me feel like crying right there in the meeting. I'll feel threatened, vulnerable and insecure.
So, IF she calls me emotional, THEN, I will take a slow deep breath, even if she's waiting for me to respond. After my deep breath, I'll say: My emotions are powerful guides to my work, and yes, I am working on maintaining my composure and managing my emotions. Thanks for reminding me I still have work to do! (insert smile)
Sandra is going to get a little boost with a Power Pose too!
Because Sandra had a coaching call with me this week, I reminded her what she learned about feeling confident in her body when she read Mastering Confidence. Sandra laughed...Yes, I'll go to the bathroom and power pose for two minutes before the meeting!
Now, the knots have turned to butterflies
Sandra is still nervous, but she is feeling waaaaaay more confident and in control of her responses!
Will you do what Sandra did?
If you want to ditch the knot in your stomach before today's meeting, then you need to get ahold of your thoughts and emotions before you go into the meeting. You need to create a mindset that allows you to take back power, your personal power. When you become response-able...able to respond in a way that makes you feel empowered, you'll be able to handle your meeting with more confidence too!
As always, I'm over here cheering you on! I know you can do it!
Find out more about how to enhance your confidence here.
Was your yesterday crazy? In fact, have the last few weeks been a bit insane? If you are like most women leaders, you were:
Your job is never done. Even when you are away from the office or at home in the evening, it’s hard to shut off, tune it out, or let go.
So, the workload feels heavy, unmanageable and, at times, impossible.
You are left feeling bitter, exhausted and resenting your job!
That sucks, doesn’t it?
But imagine if your job wasn't draining you
Imagine if you felt your workload was more manageable, and you had more than fleeting moments of contentment, peace or joy
If that were the case, your resentment would disappear and you would be leading your impact.
That would be amazing, wouldn’t it?
My bet is that you don’t believe that’s really possible.
Oh, but my dear, it is!
Mother Theresa found joy in Calcutta, serving the poor and destitute with limited resources and long hours.
Anne Frank found joy while she was hiding from the Nazis in a secret apartment for 25 months!!!
Meghan Markel is making her world more joyful despite the restraints of the Monarchy!
You aren’t in Calcutta, hidden away in an apartment cut off from the world or under the thumb of the Queen. Although, it may feel like all of those some days!
BUT, you too can ditch the resentment and find peace, joy and contentment in your days!
Here at the two steps you need to take:
Are you ready? Here is how...
The secret is to PLAN the next 2-3 months!
Your 90-day plan does not have to be a perfect 90 days. It doesn't need to match your company’s first-quarter goals. It could be 45 days or 110 days. The point is that you need to plan in smaller, more manageable segments.
** You stop resenting your job when you start intentionally dealing with the workload and leading your impact! You do that by mindfully setting aside time to plan the next 90ish days.
How planning time for personal development made a difference for these ladies!
Listen to how planning worked for some of my students. These comments come from some of the ladies in the Willpower Essentials study group.
They each made a plan for 8 weeks to carve out time to work through the course and apply it in their leadership. They knew that professional development isn’t a luxury; it’s a must for leaders!
As you read the comments, listen to the role goal setting and planning had in success for the ladies that did the Willpower Essentials course.
Their plans to readjust their schedules allowed them to complete the Willpower Essential course, and as you’ll see, feel more in control, increased energy and focus.
Take notice of how:
They indicate what goals they want to accomplish.
They use the word commit. That is being intentional.
They mention habits they are installing
They note how awareness allows them to get back on track when they slip.
They put appointments into their daytimer to work on personal development!
Notice the successes they found!
These ladies found they were better able to resist distractions, focus and stay composed as they followed through with their plan of completing Willpower Essentials:
Back to you!
It's your turn to plan the next 30-90 days.
1) Decide what you want to accomplish
It could be a course, better work-life balance, more engagement with your team, to finish a project or to develop the courage to address a lingering conflict
2) Sit down and make a plan for how you will work on that in the coming weeks.
Commit to planning the next few weeks, and you'll find the resentment fades and will be replaced with more peace, joy and contentment.
You can find more help with planning here
Have you set work-related goals yet?
Are you starting the new year with new goals and renewed energy and optimism?
How long will that last? Not very long, according to most statistics. Let's see if we can change that for you and keep the momentum going through the entire year!
Have you set work-related goals yet
What are you planning differently at work for 2020?
Leadership goals usually fit into getting better in one or more of these areas:
Sooooooooo, how do you plan to get better at managing it?
"Plan" being the keyword.
The road is paved with good intentions!
Saying it is not enough. Remember, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. It is a plan and then courageous action that will make the change.
Intention and action make the difference
By Jan 2021, you want to see significant changes. But meaningful changes don't happen all at once, and they don't happen overnight.
Change that you can vividly see and feel, happens in tiny, almost unnoticeable, moments. Bit by bit. Step by step. Decision by daily, momentary decision
It is the choices you make today, at this moment,
that will impact what you will be experiencing
in January 2021.
Conscious choices and decisions are instrumental for your success
Today's microscopic, and what may seem inconsequential decisions, sets in motion a series of events. Those events lead to more choices, all of which change how you manage yourself, your role, your people and your impact.
Here are three choices you probably make:
✧ CHOICE POINT: Knowing whether it's better to say yes, you will take on a task or choosing to delegate it,
✧ CHOICE POINT: Choosing when to keep working on your project and when to get up and go touch base with your employee.
✧ CHOICE POINT: Deciding to stay late today or going home on time.
If you have goals around managing your time better, managing your team better, and managing your energy better, having a clear plan will help you make your choices.
Aligned decisions happen when you plan first
You will make decisions more effectively, efficiently, and with increased alignment with your values, more in tune with the person you really are, and what goals you are trying to achieve when you plan first!
See how planning changes how you choose:
Let's look at those three areas again, with a clear plan in place:
✧ PLANNED CHOICE: Scheduling time to identify your team's strengths and their goals for growth this year will help you to be more precise about what you delegate, to whom, and when. Planning how you manage your team's assets will have you make decisive, effective decisions.
Instead of reactionary overwhelm or guilt that you should be doing something, you will be making an informed decision with conscious clarity about what is best for the team and the program.
✧ PLANNED CHOICE: Planning how often you will touch base 1-1 with your staff and then setting up the habit of scheduling the next session with them before this one ends, will ensure that you are managing your team member's development and growth, ensuring they feel valued, respected and cared about!
✧ PLANNED CHOICE: Consciously planning how many evenings each week you are willing to stay late and then setting up a system to track that now, will ensure that each choice you make from now till December 2020 is helping you manage your energy, your workload and the desire to achieve increased work-life balance.
Are you doing these 3 planning steps?
Here's the problem. Without conscious planning with all three of the following components, you will fail.
Did you bring your 2019 bad habits with you?
Without planning, you'll have the same habits of saying yes when you wanted to say no. You'll habitually leave your door open all the time because you want to have an open-door policy. But that will never let you find the time to focus on more significant projects until everyone goes home and therefore you will have the habit of staying late too often!
Did you bring your 2019 unhelpful mindset with you?
Without planning, you will continue to believe that a board member is out to get you. You will always think you will never get ahead. Without a plan, you'll never ditch the attitude of overwhelm, the perspective of doom and gloom or the belief that "this is just the way it is."
Books to help you be successful with your goals this year!
If you grabbed the recommended book list for how to be successful this year, you would have noticed that many of the books relate to habits. In them, you learn about both action habits as well as habits of thinking.
You need to work on both for successful change this year.
Do this: Take time to plan
★ Review what worked and what didn't work last year.
This review will give you clarity for setting goals this year.
★ Set goals for this year
Set clear goals around what you want to achieve, what kind of person you want to be and the impact you want to have.
★ Identify the action habits you need to install to achieve those goals
★ Identify the mindset shift you need to make to become consistent with those habits, be that kind of person and make that impact
Character GOAL: I am growing my leadership capacity this year.
Action GOAL: I will read 5 books on leadership this year.
Action HABIT: I will read 10 minutes each morning before leaving for work.
Mindset HABIT: When I think I don't have enough time, I will remind myself that it is only 10 minutes, and I could do that instead of checking social media or my email.
Do 90-day planning cycles
One more thing, don't do this now as a plan for the entire year.
Try it out for a couple or three months. Create mini-plans throughout the year. We work much better in 60 or 90-day cycles.
That gives us time to plan, practice, review and revise. Shorter periods are more effective, allowing for celebrating successes and course correction where needed.
If you need help to plan your goals, and develop your habits of action and habits of thought join me for this month's webinar: Quarterly Goal Setting & Planning. In this session you will create your 90-day plan to develop your leadership capacity.
It is really not too late to review 2019! I have started, but have not completed mine. I often don't get my completed review done until mid January.
Reviewing last year shouldn't be a rush job. Intentionally reviewing last year will set you firmly on your path for this year
Available on Amazon
Women leaders often hit a point where they find themselves in over their heads and wondering if they have what it takes to lead.