Do you hit "Like" when you see a good post? Do you share some that really move you? Me too! I love ones that just stand out in the newsfeed.
We skim, scroll and scan through our news feed
looking to feel better.
Here's the catch. It's a quick high that doesn't last.
When we flip through our social media accounts, we look at the world through blurry eyes...not really seeing people or our role in it.
What's more, we look at it and say, "Yeah...
Wistfully after a few minutes, we move away
from the newsfeed and back to reality.
Re-read those three comments in italics above again.
Did you notice anything? They all they blame out there....on someone else, the world or a lack of time. We are in victim mode when we see them and feel like we can't have that. That victim mode is why we head back to work, unchanged.
It's because we have not taken responsibility for change. Instead, we need to see the posts and ask what the message or lesson for ourselves in it:
When we look at social media posts and flip them back to action we can take in the moment, social media has the power to change our experience and that of those around us.
Ask this question
So next time you see a post that moves you, ask yourself:
How can I apply this message or lesson in my leadership today?
Moving into 2018 most of us have a bit of extra energy and enthusiasm to make the new year different, better or somehow different than it was last year. Beware though, that excitement will fade in a few short weeks as New Year’s Resolutions drop by the wayside.
This Facebook Live helps you to learn the 3 strategic steps you need to take now, to keep that energy and excitement alive throughout 2018.
LINKS from today's session
Discover how you can strategically change the direction of your life with My Blueprint for Change
Join the CONFIDENT WOMEN LEADER'S Group here
Get the GUIDE SHEET: A Strategic Look Back
Get the GUIDE SHEET: Create your Powerful Vision
Get the GUIDE SHEET: The 5 Mistakes Ladies Make When Trying to Change Their Life
Find MY BOOK- Mastering Confidence: Discover your leadership potential by awakening your inner guidance system
With your busy schedule you may have read or watched some of these, but missed others. Perhaps you are looking to catch up, are curious or just eager to grow. Either way, I've got you covered.
These are the top blogs, videos and guide sheets from this year.
Top Blogs of 2017
Discover your leadership potential by awakening your inner guidance system
The solution for “I hate my life”
You can feel a surge of confidence now. Learn this proven technique.
Competence & Courage and the Connection to Confidence
If you are tired of hating your job, read this
Top Guide Sheets of 2017
7 days of journal prompt to help you examine your life
Grab your 3 steps to increasing your awareness of your Mind Chatter
Discover how gritty you are and how to increase your grittiness
Use this guide to Intentionally decide who you are at your best and create the plan to be that person.
Excellence in Leadership Series - Summary
Top FB Live Sessions of 2017
Your problem: You ain’t happy!
You’re struggling. Some days are worse than others. You want a way out of the mess. You want to feel more capable of doing your job and more content in life. But, the big question is, how do you discover that?
The solution: You just don’t know, and it’s frustrating!
Perhaps one of the options you’ve considered is coaching. But, you really don’t get what coaching is; you don’t understand it, or you aren’t sure what it’s all about. So, you’ve hesitated to take the next step.
Let me try to clear the fog for you.
What coaching is not:
Coaching isn’t therapy or counseling. Both of those may be something that can benefit you as well, either on their own or in conjunction with coaching, but they are different. I am neither a counselor nor a therapist, so I am proving you a description of what they offer from the International Coaching Federation (ICF): Therapy deals with healing pain, dysfunction, and conflict within an individual or in relationships. The focus is often on resolving difficulties arising from the past that hamper an individual's emotional functioning in the present, improving overall psychological functioning, and dealing with the present in more emotionally healthy ways.
What is coaching?
So what is coaching then? Coaching is a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires you to maximize your personal and professional potential. When I am coaching you, I am asking you a lot of questions. I get you thinking, usually, in ways, you haven’t been thinking on your own! You have probably been stuck in a rut, regurgitating the same thoughts over and over. OMG, I don’t know what to do! I can’t figure this out. I just want to enjoy my life!
Coaching is not advice, it's questions
Most often the questions I ask are pointing you forward. As a coach, I use curiosity to help you to explore things that you probably already know, but have either avoided, overlooked or are afraid to take on. I might ask you What if you could figure it out, where would you start? I could ask you to describe me what your life might look like after you've achieved joy, happiness or contentment. That helps you get more precise about actions you need to take, because not everyone is looking for the same thing. Maybe you want to be home at least 3 nights each week to make supper, but someone else wants two vacations south each year. Another lady might focus on being able to deal with her workload or be better at growing a cohesive team. Coaching helps you to see your challenges with a new perspective AND create a plan to navigate all the roadblocks between you and your future, step-by-step.
The benefits of hiring a coach
As a coach, I am helping you to reach your full potential both in at work and in your life. Part of that full potential might be that you become more productive or have better time management. You might develop better relationships with your employees or peers. Through coaching, you and your organization could achieve better results. You may find a better balance between work and life or achieve a higher state of health, which subsequently allows you more joy in life.
Coaching will give you confidence
When you work with me, I’ll help you to feel more confident, and the result is you’ll get out of survival mode, which so many of us live in and you’ll move to thriving in both your leadership and life.
Here is what your peers say about coaching?
Don’t take my word for it. This is what some of the women I have coached, have said about their coaching experience and the difference it's made in their life:
How to hire a coach
You may be even more curious now about coaching and are thinking about trying coaching out. To look for a Coach, you can begin with a search on the Internet. There is a multitude of coaching sites available for you to consider. If you have a friend who is using a coach, you may ask that friend for a referral.
You might be concerned about finding a qualified coach, even if you don’t quite know what that means. The best place to ensure you are getting a certified Coach is to use the referral service that the ICF provides. There you will find a list of credentialed coaches to meet your needs.
What are you looking for in a coach?
Finding the right Coach is like finding a pair of shoes that fit really well. Looking pretty is nice, but it’s not going to help you if you are on your feet all day. Your Coach is going to help you get over some of the hills in front of you. You’ll want to find one that feels supportive, encouraging and who will push you a bit to achieve your full potential. Take the time to find the right coach. It will be worth it for both your career and your happiness.
3 Questions to ask a Potential Coach (and 3 more CRITICAL ones you should be asking)
As with anything else you are purchasing, you should do your homework before hiring a Coach. Be sure to ask the following three questions:
Hiring a Coach is serious business!
Ask these 3 critical questions to make sure you get the right Coach for you!
Are you ready to sample coaching?
Before you dive in, most coaches offer a complimentary session. This session lets you get a feel for the Coach's style and helps you determine if this partnership might work for you. If you’d like to sample my coaching, you can book a complimentary 30-minute session with me here. With a complimentary session, you will get the opportunity to get a feel for coaching. You can ask me any questions you’d like that will help you to either understand coaching better or see if you and I might make a good team helping you as you move to thriving in both your leadership and your life!
Getting to the point where you are thriving in your leadership and life, on a regular basis, isn't easy. Sorry to burst your bubble. It's going to take some effort, you are going to have to connect to why it's so damn important that you do it and honestly, it's going to take a while. In fact, you are going to have to get gritty.
Learn more about what grit is and why it's vital to thriving in this article. Keep reading my dear, you probably need to hear this today!
What is GRIT?
Grit is the tendency to sustain interest in and effort toward very long-term goals. It isn't just some fancy noun we use to describe someone's character, like the pioneers of days gone by. It is a scientific term that determines who is going to be successful. You want to be successful at thriving right? Then consider the 3 aspects of grit and how you can apply them in your life.
How gritty are you?
If you want to thrive, remember, you have to get gritty about it. Persevere, connect to why it matters and commit to working hard. To see how gritty you are, click here to get the guide to see where you land on the grit scale and develop a plan to get grittier. Growing your grit will help you to thrive in both leadership and life!
Want to learn more? Watch this to hear more insights on how you can get gritty about thriving!
"Just get me through today, please!"
Does that sound like a well-known plea, that you mutter often?
Here are some variations that may sound familiar to you also:
The Surviving to Thriving Continuum
Sadly, far too many leaders regularly recite similar lines like "Just get me through today! Regardless of the version each of these mantras is a red flag signalling that you might be in survival mode. We’ve all been there at some point or another. Survival mode becomes a problem when you live there, rather than visit there.
There will always be busy times. Leaders are constantly involved in the ebb and flow of new projects, shifts in contractual expectations, and annual cycles of budgets, performance reviews and grant proposals or contract renewals. It’s the job. There is no way around it.
I am not talking so much about work, as the attitude towards the work and the impact, the work has on you. The effect on you falls on a continuum. Let’s first look at opposite ends of the gamut.
Survival mode is characterized by fear. You are always afraid of falling apart, dropping the ball or losing it. You are barely hanging on, just getting by or trying to stay alive.
In survival mode, it feels like everything is a battle and you must suffer through it or endure the storm. You have little energy, are pretty negative or openly apathetic. Perhaps you’ve found yourself muttering “Whatever!” a little too commonly.
Those in survival mode tend to feel isolated and alone. It doesn’t feel like anyone cares about you or that you have anyone on your team. In fact, it often seems like “they” are out to get you. When I was survival mode, I honestly hated a few people and loathed a couple of others.
This end of the spectrum, survival, is marked by crisis management, putting out fires and only a day-to-day sustainability. Lord knows you can’t last like this forever. Burnout is knocking on your door.
The thriving mode, on the right end of the continuum, is characterized by passion. You are growing and developing and loving it, despite the challenges. To many, it is an adventure with a purpose. You are blooming and flourishing as you learn new things and take on engaging projects.
Those in thriving mode tend to feel confident, courageous and resilient. It isn’t that people at this end of the continuum don’t encounter challenges; they just know they can handle it. When I moved up into the thriving mode, I was eager to go to work, felt like I was doing meaningful work and could say I was being stretched, but not to the point of snapping.
This end of the spectrum, thriving, is marked by feelings of being engaged, supported and connected. Leaders in thriving mode feel like they belong to a larger community of support and feel that they are making a positive impact through their work.
It’s usually not black or white
Rarely are any of us completely at one end of the spectrum. We are likely at some point in between. We also ebb and flow daily. Depending on where you are, whom you are interacting with and the day's agenda, you can shoot from one end of the continuum to the other pretty quickly. As such, most of us sit somewhere along the surviving to thriving continuum, moving around various points in the middle.
The Middle – Coping Mode
In the center of the surviving to thriving continuum is what I call coping mode. You are doing more than barely getting by, but you're not feeling so alive that you want to yell from the mountaintops about how much you love your job. Instead, you go to work and have some good days, lots of so-so days and a few insane days.
The coping mode can also be thought of as maintaining. You're doing good enough, the best you can or at least less than bad. You exist.
Some leaders are bored in the middle. There is not a challenge, no pull or drive to fully use your skills and talents. Often it’s a sign you have been in the same position for longer than you should have been.
I find that in this coping mode, many leaders are tolerating, settling or complying with less than stellar workplace environments, teams, and bosses. Things aren’t good, but they are not so bad that you feel urged to rock the boat.
When I was in coping mode, I felt emotionally flatlined. I didn't feel a lot of excitement or joy. Instead, it felt more like I was running around the same hamster wheel day-after-day. I had a few friends to connect with that would let me vent (i.e., bitch and moan) but not a ton of support to move the needle forward.
Coping mode runs the range from short-term stability, meaning you could go on like this for a few months, to a way of life. Sadly many leaders believe, this is just the way it is, and don’t think they can change it. So instead of a period before things move one way or the other, leaders stay in coping mode, for most of their careers.
Watch here for more details about the points along the continuum:
Moving from survival to thriving
The truth is you can move from surviving to coping to thriving at work and in life. You have a choice. You do not have to stay stuck in your current mode forever. For you to move forward along the continuum, there are three key things you need to do.
Watch here to learn how to move along the continuum and create your Thriving Target:
Current habits keep you stuck
You’ve likely been sitting at the edge of survival mode for quite a while. You know it well. It’s become a way of life. You have developed damaging habits to cope with lack of sleep, missed meals, and limited time for self and family. You know how to get the critical things done with a hectic schedule at the office and have a system in place for ensuring you meet everyone’s basic needs. These habits are keeping you in this mode.
Be gentle but insistent as you develop new habits
To move to the right, to thriving, you will need to develop new habits. Take the time to look at both who your real self is and your ideal self. Then, create a plan to move from where you are, to where you want to be…then, get your butt in gear, my dear!
Get support here
I’m always here to help you and guide you whenever you need a little motivation, inspiration or resources. Join the Confident Women Leader’s private Facebook group for daily connections and information. I’ll see you on the inside!
How happy are you? Are you content? Do you have moments of peace? Do you feel good? Perhaps you do, but not nearly as often as you’d like to.
If you are like most women leaders, your responsibilities and frantic pace leave you feeling frazzled, overwhelmed, irritated and frustrated. Happy, my guess, doesn’t hit the top of the list very often.
But what if it could?
What would more happiness be like?
What would it be like to feel more of those “good” feelings on a regular basis? As one woman inthis survey put it:
“I would go to work at a place I feel valued and appreciated and come home with energy to engage with my family. I’d return to feeling light-hearted which is my natural state.” (Go ahead and do this survey...I'd love your input!)
Mmm….. doesn’t that sound splendid?
Start with Grit
There is a way to find those feelings. You can foster more happiness in your life, even if you are a woman leader with a lot of obligations, commitments, and responsibilities. One way is by developing gritty hope. That starts with growing the personality trait of grit.
Not wimpy hope!
Hope is often misunderstood as luck or fate. “I hope tomorrow will be better” leaves things up to chance. But someone with a gritty personality takes hope one-step further. They will say things like “I resolve to make tomorrow a better day.” To me, that statement is hope on steroids. It’s a gritty hope. Rather than waiting to see what tomorrow will bring, you decided, to make it different.
Too many women give up control over their life circumstances
Where many frustrated, irritated andoverwhelmed women leaders struggle, is when they give their power away. They get frustrated with their jerk boss, unappreciative staff, slow-moving peers, unsupportive spouse and demanding kids. They lay blame for the experience of their life on other people. “If they would all just smarten up, life would be fine!” If everyone did things as you want them to do, you would be more productive, more relaxed and yes, even happier right? The problem with that mindset is that you wait for that to happen. And wait. And wait some more. While you are waiting, you stew and moan and get even more irritated.
You can't wait for life to happen
But, it doesn’t change, does it? No. People don’t transform into stellar employees, charming bosses, amazing husbands and brilliant children, by us waiting for them to decide to change. Sadly, life is not a fairytale.
Take back the reins of your life
Instead, you need to cultivate a sense of hope and optimism WHILE taking action. That action isn’t always going to be easy. It will require action that won’t change things overnight. The action that I am talking about must also be purposeful and focused. AND you will need to take action filled with a powerful sense of hope that it will, over time, make a difference.
You will have to think differently
To take this kind of hopeful action takes a serious mindset shift. From giving up our sense of power, and waiting for it to change, to taking back responsibility for our lives requires us to change our thinking. It means we need to develop a growth mindset; one that believes we can change and grow and develop. We need to train our minds to understand the process of change and growth and embrace the time and effort it takes to see results.
Gritty hope puts you back in control of your life experience
When you develop hope to make your leadership and life better, you move from feeling victimized to feeling in control. You begin to see opportunities, relationships, and experiences in a new way. Your hope helps you to experience more moments of cheerfulness, enjoyment, and peace. Yes, you become happier, when you become grittier.
Measure and increase your GRIT
Do you want to know how gritty you are? Click here to get the worksheet that will help you discover your Grit Score and create a plan to increase your grittiness. Watch this to learn more about the 4 psychological assets of grit at work. Learn more about developing grit in your leadership and life here.
A few words on a piece of paper won’t change your life unless you move into action as a result of those words. To move forward, you need to turn your goals into plans. It’s time to take action towards making some shifts in your life.
How do you want to experience the next few months?
Over the last few week’s I’ve encouraged you to look at how you want to feel in the coming months and to make a list of goals that will help you to achieve those feelings. I’ve explained how installing good habits can help you to reach your targets. If you’ve been following along, and taken some time to do the homework, then you now have a list of goals and habits.
Now what? Get mindful & strategic!
You may be wondering what the best plan of attack is to start moving ahead with those goals. The answer is... a strategic one. Before you get overwhelmed or try and dive into it all at once, I want you to slow down. Building a strategic plan to change your life takes mindfulness.
Take a deep breath….and another one….and one more for good measure.
Behind the scenes
Moses may have separated the sea with one sweeping motion of his staff, but it was years of behind the scenes work that got him there. It’s that behind the scenes work that many of us want to skip over. But…..you have to do it if you truly want to succeed, change your life or have a dramatic impact. You know that nothing really happens, simply by snapping your fingers.
Take the time, to achieve the results
To truly attain results, there are many steps to take. Along the way there, obstacles, both inner and outer, that you will need to overcome. Also, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but truthfully there also will be many times where you will have to put in the sheer effort and persist over time to get somewhere.
Persistence and perseverance
It takes persistence and perseverance, over time to achieve anything. What is going to help you stay the course during all of that, is a plan. Your plan must be complete with strategy, timelines, and lifelines when needed. It is a plan that you develop and then put into action that allows you to be effective.
Creating a strategic plan for life
Create your plan today by taking each of your goals and answering these questions:
Homework: Putting it all together
Now, create a strategic plan that you will work through in the coming months so you can achieve your goals.
Next week we will cover how to take move forward with the plan. Remember to put the work in now. Do the behind the scenes work this week so that you can reach the feelings you want, achieve the goals you desire and shift your life so that you find more enjoyment and fulfillment. Being strategic gives you the peace you want.
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Women leaders often hit a point where they find themselves in over their heads and wondering if they have what it takes to lead.