The Inner Work of Leadership: Be Yourself and Lead with AuthenticityWomen leading nonprofit organizations know that leading with authenticity is at the core of effective leadership, or maybe they don't! In a world where we often feel the need to armour up, put on masks, and present facades, embracing our true selves can be terrifying and also a transformative experience. In my work, I teach four fundamentals of leadership. Let me cover them quickly here so you can create a plan to lead more effectively and feel good about yourself when you do! Nonprofit Leaders Discover The Power of Being True to Yourself1. Be YourselfI spent many years armouring up, putting on a face or feeling like there was a right way to lead. In Mastering Confidence: Discover Your Leadership Potential by Awakening Your Inner Guidance System. At times, I felt like I, figuratively and more often than not literally, suited up to go to work and then stripped away the layers when I got home. Sound familiar? But it's more than just the clothes we wear. It's the style, approach and manner we bring to our leadership. True leadership begins with authenticity. To be our best selves, we need to do the inner work of unmasking ourselves, shedding the armour, and embracing our genuine selves. That starts with identifying your values, beliefs, strengths and quirks and learning to be comfortable with all of them. That's the work of Being Yourself 2. Develop YourselfContinuous personal and professional development is the heartbeat of excellent leadership. Whether you're battling a lack of confidence or, quite frankly, don't know how to do 1-1 supervision, the journey of personal and professional development in leadership never truly ends. Strong and authentic leaders commit to ongoing personal and professional development. They have a plan for how they are growing and developing themselves on the inside and how they tactically do their day-to-day work. That's the work of Developing Yourself. 3. Take Care of YourselfLeadership isn't just about guiding others; it's about leading yourself first. Self-care plays a critical role in maintaining your composure, being able to focus, and being decisive. After all, you can't pour from an empty cup. Strong leaders develop practical strategies for ensuring their minds and bodies are well-equipped to handle the demands of leadership. That's the work of Taking Care of Yourself. 4. Teach Others to Do the SameTrue leaders empower those around them to embrace authenticity, continuous growth, and self-care. It starts with you, though. You can only teach it effectively if you do it. But when you do help others to unmask, develop, and care for themselves, it creates an engaged culture of loyal team members. Yes, we need to manage them, but inspiring leaders do more than that! Effective leaders learn to motivate, coach and mentor their team members. That's the work of Teaching Others to Do the Same. Learning to lead with excellenceIf you want to discover how to excel in leadership, explore how you can strengthen those fundamental strategies in how you lead. You'll learn more in the podcast series Invest in Your Leadership Excellence.
LISTEN NOW! Remember to subscribe on whichever channel is your favourite so you don't miss all 4 episodes in the series. Leading with authenticityRemember, leadership is not just a position, title or hat you put on when you show up at work each day. Leadership is a journey of self-discovery and growth. It is a personal growth journey! Embrace your authenticity, invest in your development, prioritize self-care, and lead with excellence and in a way that feels good! Do the inner work! It's worth it! p.s. If you want help doing the inner work so you can grow both personally and professionally, join The Training Library today! If you've been meaning to
NOW is the time to plan HOW you will do that 👆🏻 growth.
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Understanding Pre-Meeting AnxietyIf you are a nonprofit leader and have a tough meeting coming up, you will want to feel empowered going into it. Tune into Sandra's story to build your confidence going into challenging conversations! Sandra's Story: Facing the Fear of a Tough MeetingWhen Sandra came to our coaching call, she was preparing for a meeting with the Executive Director about her performance. Sandra was dreading the meeting. She knew her boss would make her feel stupid, small and even scared.
But that's not how Sandra anticipated the meeting was really going to go down! Sandra knew she would feel attacked by her bossSandra knows that "help" from her boss is typically in the form of them pointing out:
Sandra's anxious thoughts were almost out of controlEver since Sandra's boss had scheduled the meeting, Sandra had been rolling around the worst-case scenario in her mind. She imagined being fired on the spot, being raked over the coals and being belittled, berated and bullied. Hence, the knot in her stomach! Sandra had a history of not feeling supported by her bossIt's no wonder Sandra was dreading the meeting! Past meetings had not gone well. Most of what Sandra feared had happened in the past.
It was time for Sandra to change her perspectiveJust because that is how Sandra's ED has communicated in the past does not mean that Sandra has to believe it means she is incompetent or not cut out for leadership. Sandra can choose to pick between the well-intentioned but still hurtful comments and find out what's valuable in between those comments. Sandra took back control of her thoughtsWhether it is this conversation with her boss or another, Sandra gets to decide how she will proactively continue to grow and develop in her nonprofit leadership role. Shifting Your Mindset for ConfidenceSandra enlists the support of her nonprofit coachSandra brought this upcoming conversation to our coaching call. In past coaching sessions, we'd already talked about mindsets, perspectives and lenses, so she knew her mindset mattered most! To plan to feel more confident in the upcoming conversation, we took a look at the kinds of messages Sandra's boss might share:
The Power of Perspective: Changing Your MindsetLeadership MINDSET # 1If Sandra chose to see herself as flawed, she would take these kinds of comments to heart. Imposter Syndrome would take over, and the knot in her stomach would grow to a tightening in her chest. Sandra could see how her thoughts could snowball:
Leadership MINDSET #2 (THE BETTER OPTION)I invited Sandra to PAUSE, and take a breath. I asked what might happen if she chose to hear the messages differently. Sandra PONDERed and considered the comments above and then what else might be true:
Mindset # 2 helps Sandra feel more confidentSandra then used curiosity to PIVOT to new thoughts:
Instead of feeling beaten down by taking time to move through the Inner Guidance Cycle, Sandra felt back in control. She was ready to take the core of the feedback (too much overtime) and hear it for what it is—Feedback. Believing in Your Potential: The Foundation of ConfidenceHow does this help Sandra remove the knot in her stomach before the meeting?By knowing she has control of her thoughts, choosing how to hear messages and intentionally choosing not to take things personally in the meeting but focus on the content, Sandra lessened the emotional charge going into the meeting. When Sandra chooses her thoughts, she feels her confidence soar!I reminded Sandra that feeling confident in a meeting isn't about what someone else says or thinks. Sandra smiled and nodded. She's been reading Mastering Confidence. I know, she said, it's what I believe. How confident you FEEL starts with what you BELIEVE.What you believe about yourself is what matters most. I asked Sandra:
I reminded Sandra that if she believes those things, the tone with which her boss shares those messages in that meeting is less relevant than the content and what she chooses to hear, believe and take action on. Creating an If/Then Plan for ComposurePreparing for Triggers: Sandra's If/Then StrategyWhile feeling more confident, Sandra was still worried about being triggered and losing composure in the meeting. Sandra wanted to prepare to stay composed in her talk with her ED. She'd recently reviewed the webinar: How to Prepare for a Tough Talk so you can handle it with integrity in The Training Library. She'd learned the power of being prepared for getting triggered with If/Then plans. She asked if I could help her prepare an If/Then plan in case she got triggered. Sandra already knew what kind of comments might trigger her and cause her to lose her composure.
We prepared her If/Then plan and she practiced saying her response.
Now, the knots have turned to butterfliesSandra was still nervous but felt way more confident and in control of her responses! She messaged me later and said the meeting was still hard, but she left feeling in control of herself, her responses and her future. What's Next? Taking Charge of Your Leadership JourneyWill you do what Sandra did? If you want to ditch the knot in your stomach before your next uncomfortable meeting, then you need to get ahold of your thoughts and emotions before you go into the meeting. You need to create a mindset that allows you to take back power, your personal power. That way, you will be able to respond in a way that makes you feel empowered, and you'll be able to handle your meeting more confidently, too! ❗️❗️VERY IMPORTANT NOTE❗️❗️
I am not condoning bullying or harassing behaviour. If that happens, you must decide how to address it, find mental health support, and/or change jobs. There is no one-size-fits-all plan for how you will deal with it. Just know that you have options if your workplace is not psychologically safe. Check your policy manual for direction on what to do within your organization. Online resources
You may also find these podcast episodes helpful. If you are like most leaders, you've been here: You have a precious break in the day, so you look at your endless to-do list. All tasks seem important, but you scan the list, looking for the priority items you can knock off in a few minutes. As you glance at each item, you make a mental note:
Your to-do list is like an emotional roller coaster In the time it takes to scan down the list, your emotions move from overwhelmed to anxious, then annoyed and doubtful, ending with discouraged. Pushing the to-do list aside, you begin scrolling through your inbox without realizing you've avoided doing anything on the list and, as a result, get further behind and more disheartened 😩 I get it. I've been there many, many times too! In fact, if you are like most leaders, you have a lengthy to-do list that haunts you into the wee hours of the morning and, honestly, will never get done. But why is it that we will never get through our to-do list? 💥The reason your to-do list will never get done is twofold REASON # 1 First, it's a disorganized list that is more of a holding place than a completion place.
REASON # 2 Second, we look at the list as items that need time to be completed, and we blame lack of time as the enemy 😡 ⏰ It's way more complicated than just not enough time. For example, look at your to-do list and consider:
Without taking all of that into consideration, our to-do list becomes an impossible challenge, and time becomes the enemy. But time is getting a bad rap. ❌ It's not ⏳ time's fault. The time available to complete tasks is only one small factor in managing our to-do list. There are other things to consider. Below are three steps to help you manage your to-do list with much greater success👇🏻 QUESTION: How do I get done, what matters on my to-do list? ANSWER: You create order and awareness. 1) First, start by prioritizing your to-do list into some semblance of order That way, your to-do list can become a tool working for you instead of a threat against you. 2) Next, let go of inappropriate expectations of your to-do list You change expectations of your to-do list by shifting your mindset from believing your to-do list is a list of things that need doing to a holding place for projects and tasks.
3) Finally, move a few key items to each day's agenda, plan or priorities When you only have three things to get done each day, you will check them off with greater speed and satisfaction.
But we are still overlooking something That covers the tactical side of getting through your to-do list. But there is something bigger that needs addressing. 🐘 The elephant in the room is the emotions you felt when you scanned the list.
Your emotions play a big role in productivity Many of us are unaware of our feelings, let alone how our emotions affect our productivity. We can choose our responses better by slowing down and getting a better awareness of what we are experiencing and how our emotions distract us from getting done what matters most. If you want more help with this, read this next: Why Your Emotions Are Sabotaging Your Productivity If you've been meaning to
NOW is the time to plan HOW you will do that 👆🏻 growth.
As women leaders in nonprofit organizations, you often find yourself needing to navigate a challenging conversation. Whether addressing policy violations or managing performance issues, these discussions tend to evoke much 😩 angst and worry over how they will go.
It's your job to have difficult conversations But having difficult conversations is part of being a leader. The problem is that often when we think about these upcoming exchanges, we're trying to figure out how to have that conversation without thinking about the how. 👈🏻Yes, reread that sentence. As we rehearse an upcoming conversation in our heads, we are trying to figure out WHAT to say rather than HOW to say it. But you are missing a key component of preparations for these conversations We meticulously plan our arguments, gather evidence, and outline our case. To prepare, you:
We think less about HOW we will engage, connect, influence, impact, listen, hear, and understand. Understanding. That's a good place to start. When we engage in a difficult conversation, we seek to be understood rather than to understand. So we gather the information but try to shut off who we are. We want to be DETACHED in tough conversations I often hear women say I'm just going to go in, be clear, non-emotional, or detached. But what they're really doing is going into a conversation with lots of emotions. 😤 😡 😣They are annoyed, irritated, frustrated, and trying to pretend that they're not. Yet, when I ask my clients what happens when they are annoyed, irritated, or frustrated, they tell me things like:
🙈 And although they know they can't hide all these things, they hope the other person doesn't notice. But they are only kidding themselves. Deep down, you know that others probably pick up on it even when you pretend you aren't annoyed, irritated or frustrated. You need to manage your emotions so you can engage in the conversation The truth is emotions will arise during difficult conversations. As much as we might try to conceal them, our nonverbal cues and internal experiences can be telling. Rather than suppressing or denying these emotions, you need to acknowledge and address your emotions to deal with a challenging conversation confidently. 🤔 Before the conversation:
My client experienced an ah ha A client told me she wanted to stop being so passionate in conversations. I asked her how passion shows up during a conversation. When she's passionate, my client said she talks a lot, talks fast and gives lots of details. 🟦 I want to stop being passionate I suggested that instead of shutting the passion off that, she manage the passion and focus on being clear and concise in her message and then pausing, allowing the other person time to soak it and respond. Passion isn't the issue. That is, in fact, what we are looking for👇🏻 🟦 Oh wait...I do want to be passionate If I asked you how you want to feel about your job, you might tell me you want to feel engaged, excited, and eager to be there. Wouldn't you say that's passion? So when the behaviour of someone on your team is negatively impacting a client, why wouldn't you be passionate? ✅ It's how you use that passion that's important. 🟦 Ah, I have to learn to manage my passion When my client realized this, she was very intrigued. She does care deeply about the work she and her team are doing. It's no wonder she's passionate. 🌱 Learning to manage it rather than shutting it off is her place for growth! You need to choose the emotions you want to bring into the conversation When you prepare ahead of time, you'll approach the discussion with greater clarity, empathy, and control, paving the way for a more productive dialogue. Remember, the way we approach the conversation has a profound impact on its outcome. Difficult conversations are more effective when we focus less on content and more on the connection. The best way to do that is to let go of being right and understood and instead become curious and seek to understand. Often, our natural inclination during difficult conversations is to seek to be understood. We aim to get our point across, make our case, and ensure our perspective is acknowledged. However, a shift in mindset is necessary for building strong, trusting relationships with your employees. Instead of solely focusing on being understood, cultivate a genuine curiosity to understand the other person's viewpoint. Doing so creates an environment that encourages openness, empathy, and collaboration. Seven Mantras to Help You Through Tough Conversations 1️⃣ Curiosity is critical
2️⃣ Emotions are everything
3️⃣ Pause before you proceed
4️⃣ Connect before you continue.
5️⃣ Put the relationship before the responsibility
6️⃣ It's not just about the content; it's about the connection
7️⃣ The inner work is the work!
Your focus needs to be on WHO you will be while you are talking about the WHAT When you prepare for difficult conversations, remember that the strength of your connection is the key part. By focusing on the type of person you are in those conversations, you can create a safe space that promotes understanding, collaboration, and growth. Remember, it's not just about the content; it's about the connection. 📗 If you need help, read this: You may want some help to learn to dig deep and focus on how to have a conversation rather than what you will discuss if the conversation takes some work. Fellow coach Michael Bangay, Stanier recently published his latest book, How to Work with Almost Anyone. In it, you will learn five questions for building possible relationships with some of those people you aren't sure you will ever get along with. I highly recommend that you grab it and do the work to focus on how to have conversations, not just the content of the conversations. When you do, it will be incredible peace to help you manage your emotions and increase your emotional intelligence while having those conversations with difficult people. p.s. The inner work IS the work! Where will you start today to grow yourself from the inside out? Nonprofit leaders and the people who make the organizations hum have a deep desire to impact the world positively. Creating an engaging workplace, or what my colleague and I call a Magnetic Workplace, is essential to have that impact. An engaging workplace exudes magnetic qualities. It is a workplace that fosters growth, openness, belonging, generativity, and creativity among its people. This type of workplace inspires individuals to contribute to something larger than themselves, instilling a sense of purpose and meaning in their work. At a magnetic workplace, employees know that they matter and feel cared for, which creates an environment that draws people in and fills them with energy. I introduced you to The Infinite Leadership Loop to create a Magnetic Workplace. The Infinite Leadership Loop is an infinity loop, is a continuous process of moving back and forth between, on the right-hand side, turning inwards in self-reflection and on the left-hand side, engaging with your team. The loop has the four components of the Inner Guidance Cycle on the right; pause, ponder, pivot and proceed. A 5th point, people, is on the left. To develop yourself and your team using The Infinite Leadership Loop, you will need to deliberately build a habit of purposefully ebbing and flowing between being self-reflective and engaging with the people around you. To do that, the following four building blocks of The Infinite Leadership Loop will help you.
🟨 Building Block # 1 - Curiosity is Critical The first building block towards a Magnetic Workplace is curiosity. In Magnetic Workplaces, people are openly curious about improving their impactful work, sharing their ideas and collaborating on innovative approaches.
Curiosity allows for reflection, new perspectives, and the courage to act and engage with your team. It helps to create a magnetic work environment that draws people in. When you learn to be more curious, so does your team. TIP to help you be more curious
Creating Comfortable Coaching Conversations 🟨 Building Block # 2 - Inner Work is Imperative Magnetic Workplaces prioritize the inner work of their leaders and their team members by giving them time, space, and freedom to think and reflect. This time for "inner work" allows them to think strategically, make effective decisions and improve their emotional intelligence. In most organizations, leaders and team members are constantly busy, running from one meeting to the next and dealing with crises and fires all day. To create a magnetic work environment, distractions and interruptions must be intentionally reduced, and time must be deliberately created to reflect, process, and resolve issues. Scheduling time to pause, prioritize, and proactively plan a way forward for everyone on the team is essential to improve decision-making and foster an environment of growth and development. TIP to help you make space for more inner work
📚 Resources to Help: The Pause Principle by Kevin Cashman Leadership from the Inside Out by Kevin Cashman 🟨 Building Block # 3 - Vulnerability is Vital Magnetic Workplaces encourage vulnerability because trust is grown by being open, honest and vulnerable with each other. Vulnerability is also critical for you to engage in the inner work of The Inner Guidance Cycle. It's hard to look at what triggered you, why and how you will deal with it differently without being vulnerable with yourself. Start by learning what vulnerability is (courage) and what it isn't (weakness). Then, role model courage and vulnerability. When you do, you'll create more of that sense of trust and the understanding, respect, kindness, and compassion required to develop a magnetic work environment. Tip for learning to be vulnerable Make a list of leaders you admire and what you admire about them. Look at that list for places where they demonstrate vulnerability. Use these as your role models for doing it yourself. Another great place to start is to identify and speak to your values. The Values Verification course in The Training Library helps you put voice and action to the value words you identify. 📚 Resources to Help: Daring Greatly by Brene Brown The Boy, The Mole and The Fox by Charlie Mackesy 🟨 Building Block # 4 - Movement is Mandatory Building a Magnetic Workplace requires movement and growth. These elements are necessary to create and sustain a workplace where team members feel safe to be curious, take time to do the inner work and then do the impactful work that moves their nonprofit forward. Leaders must break out of this pattern of holding on to old ways and resisting change. It's essential for leaders themselves and their people to move outside their comfort zones. Leaders must model this behaviour and create an environment where people feel safe to try, flounder and sometimes fail. Tip for learning to move into action, even when it's scary Move. Get up and move. Go for a walk or move around your office or house. Movement in your body creates movement in your mind; sometimes, that is exactly what we need to move into action with our team. Having a plan also helps you move. When you know the steps, it's easier to take them. To help you with that, try this webinar in The Training Library: How to Prepare for a Tough Talk. 📚 Resources to Help: Leadership and Self-Deception by The Arbinger Institute The Confidence Gap: A Guide to overcoming fear and Self-doubt by Russ Harris Your next steps You must create an engaging workplace to have the positive impact you desire in your workplace. An engaging workplace, also called a Magnetic Workplace, fosters growth, openness, belonging, generativity, and creativity among employees, inspiring them to contribute to something larger than themselves. You'll do that when you put The Infinite Leadership Loop into action. The continuous process of moving back and forth between self-reflection and engaging with the team helps you to process what's going on inside of you so that you can be your best self in your leadership role. Remember though:
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