I'm guessing you have on a pair of heels, dress shoes or casual shoes...at least if you are reading this during your workday. On a typical workday for me, I spend the majority of it in slippers I switch to runners...then back to slippers.
The exception is when you see me face-to-face at a speaking event, I'm rockin the heels!
Recently I needed a new pair of inside runners.
I headed down to the local store and spied this cute pair of polka-dot ones! I grabbed size 7 off the shelf, expecting to ensure they fit and be quickly on my way. They were tight. Too tight!
I tried on a pair of 8's, and they fit just fine. I was hesitant, though. Really? I'm usually a size 7. I wandered around the store with the 8's on just to be sure. In the end, I brought them home and love them!
Putting my feet into the size 7 and finding them too small was feedback. If the lady at the store had looked at me when I walked in and said here's a size 8, no need to try them on, I would have thought she was nuts! It was my own feeling that helped me choose the larger size.
Feedback and constructive criticism are not the same!
Feedback is a critical part of learning and growing, yet so often missed as we develop ourselves and our teams. Far too often, feedback is really constructive criticism!
Constructive Criticism is a scam run by people who want to beat you up.
Ouch! How true is that!
FEEDBACK is an ART
Feedback instead is the art of pulling out the best in people so that they may become even better! It is giving them information they can work with. But when feedback is primarily presented as constructive criticism or advice-giving, it doesn't make the person feel good or inspire them to reach inside to be their best. It often puts them on the defensive and sadly often shut down.
3 Strategies for giving effective feedback
If you want to give feedback that grows and develops your staff in a way that is motivating and inspiring, try these 3 strategies.
An Example of giving feedback via COACHING in action
Rebecca comes to you because she's short-staffed for the group home this weekend. She wants your help to figure it out.
The initial self-reflection that is often missed by most leaders:
Sounds cool right! You can do this. It might take some practice, but you can transform the way you engage with your team into an inspiring and motivating conversation that helps your staff grow into their full potential.
Do you want to get better at coaching your employees?
If you want some more help with this, join me for this month's webinar: Creating Comfortable Coaching Conversations.
Ongoing training to grow women leaders in 🇨🇦 Canada's Nonprofit Organizations.
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Why are women not rising to the top as equally as men in nonprofits? Because we are not! Here are the statistics in Canada's Nonprofit"
What is holding women back?
Charity Village recently is offered a free webinar in which the Ontario Nonprofit Network (ONN) shared key findings from their recent report Decent Work for Women and the 10 solutions ONN is working on. This session was relevant across the country as we all work together to change things.
Change though, won't come from a report. It will come from action. The challenge is, that many women continue to feel oppressed, bullied and lack the confidence to step forward.
We need to take this part into consideration as well:
Before many women are ready to come forward, they need to develop their courage and confidence. For many women, they will do that when they find their authentic leadership style and owning it.
It's about leading with confidence to be ourselves.
We need to become the female role models for the future generation of women leaders
For far too long we've been mentored by men, had male role models and seen bits of success by acting like men leaders, but feeling like frauds. That inner turmoil between who we really are and how we want to lead with how we think we SHOULD lead has cost us our confidence, career advancements and quite frankly, our sanity.
You know I have been a strong advocate of leading aligned with your values, belief, morals and ethics. I've also been known to get on my soapbox more than once about how you need to do the inner work to get there. Well, back up on the box I get....
Here is the thing, my dear, authentic, compelling, impactful and enjoyable (yes, you can enjoy your role) comes when you are "in character" not out of character. When you are "acting" like someone you are "supposed" to be, you'll continue to find that you feel overwhelmed, under-appreciated, and lack meaning in your work.
I'm so passionate about this that I've devoted this month's webinar to helping you compete authentically with men for the leadership position and respect you desire by learning to lead with your leader character.
Not convinced character is critical for you? Let me ask this:
Which list of Character Traits do you aspire to?
Character matters, BIG TIME!
There is one word you should NOT use when you are giving your staff feedback, praise or encouragement.
You may already have an idea what it is...but what do you use instead?
You’ll learn that, when you watch this FB Live session:
LINKS from today's session
Listen to the beginning of MASTERING CONFIDENCE here
Find your GUIDE SHEET #27 - Create your powerful vision + Chapter from Mastering Confidence
MASTERING CONFIDENCE INTENSIVE - Join the 8-week online program
Join the CONFIDENT WOMEN LEADERS Group here
You want to enjoy leadership more, find you are making a greater difference, feel happier and more satisfied in life and rid yourself of a bit of the daily turmoil you feel. Doesn’t that pretty much sum up what most leaders are looking for? Perhaps you also want a little more love, a smaller waistline, and an increase in your bank account. That’s not a bad list of desires.
Striving for more is a good thing. Yes, we need to be grateful for what we have, but a healthy determination to continue to grow, figure out the next challenge and navigate our way to a greater sense of peace in work and life is really the essence of aging.
New insights lead to growth
Learning from our mistakes, failures, and setbacks as well as our achievements, wins and successes happen best when we gain new information that challenges our current way of thinking and behaving. The different material assists us to find fresh ways, adjust our actions or shift our mindsets to get improved results. At other times, the insights we gain affirm we are on the right path. One way to get new ideas to challenge your assumptions, perspectives, and values is to read.
But who has time to read?
Let’s boil it down to some basic truths about leadership, learning, and life.
The Audible Secret
I discovered Audible a few years ago when I was in a program that made reading the forefront. There was no way I could find the time to fit the required reading in. I downloaded the books to Audible and listened my way through them.
What I realized was that I’ve always listened to book. From the Steven Covey 7 Habits of Highly Effective People cassette tapes to the David Allen time management revolution Getting Things Done CD’s boxed set. I’ve been a listener for years and years. I used to borrow audio CD’s from the library to take them on business trips so I could drive and learn. Now, I still borrow some audiobooks from the library, but most often, I use Audible. I think you should too!
Let me tell you why you need an Audible account and how easy it is to use.
The Audible Story
Here is what you need to know about Audible:
But how does Audible really work?
You may be wondering, if I can’t find time to read, how would I find time to listen to books. That my dear is easy! You just play it while you…..
10 times in your day when you can listen to an audiobook
Need some ideas of what books to download? Grab this guide that I made for you with my 20 favourite leadership books to listen to.
There you have it. Grab your Audible membership today. Begin listening to leadership books to grow and develop yourself, a financial book to help you increase your bank account, healthy living authors who will share their wisdom about weight loss and of course, one particular leadership coach who gives you a system to Master your Confidence. That way, you will move from surviving to thriving in both your leadership and your life!
Do you have a love/hate relationship with your job, your role, your team or your organization?
I sure did! It sucked the life and fun out of me!
Do you want to learn how to lose the loathing love the work?
On this week's FB Live show I talked about what I did and you can too - to learn to love leadership. Let me give you a bit of an overview here.
I was in a pretty toxic environment
In my book Mastering Confidence, I tell the story of a time when my team was just a wee bit toxic. Ok, honestly, very toxic. At the time I blamed everyone around me. It was her fault, his fault, and their fault. Certainly, I wasn't the one to blame. As such, I didn't want to go to work. I dreaded it each morning as I got ready and headed into the office. Whenever I could, I avoided certain people, teams, and sites. I loathed my job.
It took a shift in my mindset and some learning to turn that around.. I need to take responsibility for my self, my impact and move from victim to leader. I find that many of the women I work with also struggle in this way.
My client was in a pretty toxic environment
Take Rebecca for example.She came to me a few months into a new promotion. Initially when she took the role of a supervisor on she loved it. That quickly turned to overwhelm, extreme dislike for her boss and frustration with her team. Rebecca felt like no one listened or cared about the work or her. She found she was turning into an uncaring person, simply focused on the tasks for the day.
We both need to see things differently
When we started coaching, the first thing I began to do was help Rebecca gain an understanding of herself. She needed to get clear on what her values were. She began to get more connected to her inner guidance system which helped her recognize what triggered her, her self-talk and take back control of her emotions. It was the same place I started when I turned my team back around from toxic to strong. Once I figured out how important family was to me, honesty and my deep connection to the work we were doing, I quickly realized why I had reacted to so many things that had happened in the preceding months.
We moved from ourselves to focusing on our team
The next thing I worked with Rebecca on was helping her to see her team as individuals and realize her job was to grow them. She started to see them differently as I'd also began to see my team in a new light. It is always fascinating for me to watch my clients now take the same journey that I did so many years ago. That path is seeing individual's strengths, identifying their potential and putting a focus on growing them and helping them to realize their full potential. It's an amazing feeling to turn from seeing your staff as "problems to be fixed" to "potential to be drawn out."
We both reconnected to the love of our job
The final thing that helped Rebecca to learn to love her leadership role again was taking her newfound inner growth and her shift in her mindset about her team to the bigger purpose of their work. Why do you do what you do? What difference does your work make to the community you serve? These questions helped me years ago to really find that passion and inner spark again. Rebecca lit up to when she began to find the answers to these questions.
This is what we did in a nutshell
These three things, are the things you can also do to move from loathing your leadership role to loving your leadership role
My final thoughts for you
To move from loathing your leadership role to loving it takes some time. Let's be honest, leadership is a tough gig! However, these three things, when you put your focus on them will help you to make that shift more permanent. Grow yourself from the inside out. Focus on seeing the potential in your employees and focus on growing them. Then, take yourself and your team and remind yourselves today and every day...why you do what you do. Trust me, my dear, you will find the love for your work again...as soon as you do!
Want to learn more?
Listen to this week's Facebook Live session to help you make the shift from loathing to loving your job. Don't forget to download this week's guide sheet to help you personally make the shift. Remember, you have to do something with this information, or it won't actually make a change in your life!
If I asked you what your #1 job as a leader is, what would you say?
I reckon there are heaps of possible answers.
The 2 Biggies
Those are all important task of a leader. I believe though, with my whole heart, that to do more than just survive, that there 2 critical jobs or skills you must master. They are:
Over the last few weeks in the Excellence in Leadership series, we have been focusing improving yourself so that you can be an A+ Lady Leader. I’ve asked you to consider the skills you need to work on, to have the impact you desire. These skills hail from The Leadership Circle Profile. This is a 360 tool I use with my Lady Leaders who join the Women with Grit Program.
The Leadership Circle measures a set of well-researched competencies that gauge how leaders achieve results, bring out the best in others, lead with vision, enhance their own development, act with integrity, and encourage and improve organizational systems.
Relating well to others is critical
This week we are moving on to the set of abilities around Relating to others. Being strong in relating, is all about bringing out the best in people, groups, and organizations.
A leader who is good at relating is
They see others as
Learn to put your focus on your people
When you are good at relating you intentionally focus on people. You realize that as your people develop so does your team's capacity and thus your team success. Developing your team members goes back to what I stated at the beginning; a critical skill in leadership is the ability to grow others. However, to be good at relating you must accept both yourself and others.
You can't only focus on being liked
Some leaders find they struggle with relationships for a couple of reasons. First, they may be focused more on getting along with people, but so much so that it is at the cost of achieving results. If you find yourself here, you may tend to play it safe in relationships, sugarcoat messages and fail to speak up when necessary. You struggle to build effective relationships when it’s all about complying, pleasing and fitting in.
It's not about controlling them either
Alternately you may find yourself less of a pushover, and more controlling, Here you tell others what to do and don't ask for others opinions. You are a take-charge kind of gal who speaks directly and bluntly. You see relationships as a means to an end. You're nice, just to get the job done. If you find yourself in this situation, you might also notice that when you feel challenged and threatened by others, you become defensive. You may discount or ignore negative feedback.You aren't growing your team when you never let them do anything or make any mistakes.
Finding the balance
It is a balancing act to achieve high results and relate well others. As such, it takes practice to find that point where you can hold both a commitment to achieving high results and a focus on developing your people. Take the time to learn how to focus on your team members and you'll see them grow, so you can achieve the results.
To grow yourself in the area of relating well to others, focus on the following 5 skills :
Try this language
If you are committed to growing your ability to relate well to your team so that you bring out the best in them, here are some examples of things you may say to them.
Do more than just survive leadership
To do more than just survive leadership, remember to focus on both growing yourself and growing others. As you focus on developing strong relationships with your team and using those relationships to bring out the best in them, you'll begin to thrive as a leader. As you blossom, so will your team members and as a result, you'll find your group achieving those high results.
Want to learn more?
You can learn more here by listening to this session on how you can increase your skills for relating to others.
Then, apply the skills with your team by downloading the guide which will help to bring out the best in your team.
Let me start by asking you a question: Are you achieving...
If you are an A+ Lady Leader, you know the answers to these questions and have the skills to do just that!
You need all three parts
It's not just about the results or the just process. You all know wealthy individuals, who are complete jerks and have lost everyone they loved along the way. You know of very successful organizations with nasty work cultures. You know really good people, who never achieve anything because they are too nice. You probably also know wonderful, caring people, who work hard every day, but never get anywhere, because, they don’t have definite aspirations. I know, none of these is what you are looking for!
The point is, we need to get the right RESULTS, in the right WAY for the right REASON
Any one of the 3 points is important, but to be that A+ Lady Leader, you need to combine all 3.
Getting your WHAT right
The skill you need to develop:
Being GOAL ORIENTED:
When you hone this skill, you set goals and focus on goal achievement. That means when you establish goals, you don’t stop there. You create timelines to achieve those goals. You then break down your objective into smaller tasks, take action on some parts and delegate others. You follow up with your team and keep the process on track. The end goal is high performance and goal attainment.
How to develop this skill
Practice setting bigger goals and the get used to breaking goals down into weekly tasks. Work with your team to share the work and progress.
Getting your HOW right
The 2 skills you need to develop are:
Having a STRATEGIC FOCUS:
This means you have a good process in place for maintaining an ongoing strategic perspective within your organization. A strategic focus includes more than setting goals. It is looking at how your team’s or your organization’s work fits into the bigger picture. It starts with strategic planning, but it doesn’t end there. To truly have a strategic focus, you need to keep the process alive throughout the year. The ongoing process includes regularly reviewing goals, both for progress, but also to see if they are still priorities.
How to develop this skill
Start developing this skill by scheduling time monthly in your agenda to take a look at the bigger picture and see how it fits in with today and next week. What has happened that may have changed the original strategic plan?
This is the ability to make decisions, including tough ones, in a timely manner. You need to make decisions under pressure and be comfortable moving forward in uncertainty.
How to develop this skill
To become more adept at being decisive, you need to heighten your awareness around the decisions you are faced with.
Getting your WHY right
The skill you need to develop is:
Being PURPOSEFUL & VISIONARY:
You need to clearly communicate and role model a commitment to both your personal purpose and vision and the organization’s deeper sense of purpose
How to develop that skill
Spend time individually and with your team crafting a future vision. This vision can include things such as goals and plans. More than that though, you will need to take a look at the values you want to honour, the workplace culture you want to have an choosing the impact of your lasting legacy on the community you serve.
These skills listed above come from The Leadership Circle Profile. This is a 360 tool I use with my A+ Lady Leaders who join the Women with Grit Program.
The Leadership Circle describes them as part of the Creative competencies that are well-researched competencies that measure how leaders achieve results, bring out the best in others, lead with vision, enhance your own development, act with integrity, and encourage and improve organizational systems.
Want to learn more?
Anyone can achieve results. What they actually achieve, how they do it, and why they are even bother trying to do, makes an incredible difference. I know, if you want to be an A+ Lady Leader, that you not only care about the what, but also the how and why.
You can learn more here by listening to this session on how you can increase your skills to achieve the right results, for the right reason, in the right way.
Then, get a sense of how you are doing with the skills to achieve results with the guide below.
Are you a leader or a manager?
We use the words managing and leading interchangeably. However, these terms don’t mean the same thing. Leadership is different than management. The truth is, you likely do both, especially if you work in a smaller organization. Sometimes you are managing at one time and leading at a different time. On other occasions, you are doing both managing and leading almost simultaneously.
So why bother understanding the difference between management and leadership then?
The answer is simple. You need to develop your skills in both areas. Organizations put too much focus on developing only management skills. However, without developing your leadership skills as well, you’ll struggle to get where it is you want to be with your team. You’ll probably also feel more frustrated.
The easiest way for me to explain the difference to you is to think about a boat. A manager keeps the boat from tipping over side-to-side. A leader steers the boat forward. You need to do both if you are going to get anywhere.
Here are the differences between leadership and management in a nutshell:
Example #1 - Employee Development
MANAGING: Take for instance the development of employees. Booking regular supervision meetings with your staff members, sending employees on training, scheduling your people into the programs and ensuring annual performance reviews get completed all management tasks. These things are necessary for sure!
LEADING: In addition to those management tasks, a leader will have a conversation with the employee about their skills and talents. She will inspire them to utilize their strengths. A leader may move them into positions they are not completely ready for. The leader knows that stretching this person is a risk that will serve both the employee and program well, even though it will be a messy transition. However, the leader has a clear picture in her mind of what will be on the other side of those rapids, and they communicate that to the individual and the team.
Example #2 - Contract Changes
LEADING: When the funder announces modifications to the way contracts are being released, the leader already saw it coming. She has been actively scanning the horizon. In doing so, she knows how those changes will strategically fit that into where the program is. She is always aware how they can navigate the upcoming changes.
MANAGING: The manager in her will mitigate the risks to the existing program budgets. She will plan meetings with stakeholders. The manager role will have her prepare to communicate the changes to the team.
The differences: Management training
The training you need to be a great manager will be in learning to do things such as preparing and reading budgets and learning how to build strategic plans complete with goals and objectives and timelines. Management training will help you to write policies and follow procedures. This kind of training will ensure things get done in a way that keeps the program afloat.
The differences: Leadership Training
In contrast, the training you need as a leader will help you understand how to communicate to your team in a way that builds trust and motivates them. It will be about creating a vision and then learning to inspire people around you to come alongside you to achieve that vision, even when it seems risky, scary or impossible. Leadership training will help you steer the boat forward.
Leadership isn't about your name tag
Leadership isn’t a title or a role. Leadership is a way of being. It is the way you take action and the manner in which you communicate. When you are leading, your personality, style, vision, method, and character all serve to influence your followers. That influence sways them towards your future vision.
The mistake we often make
The mistake we often make is in thinking that we can learn management skills. This mindset error leads us to believe we either have the ability to lead or not. Certainly, our ability to lead is impacted by our genes, though our childhood experiences and as a result of our past career. There is not doubt that, that all shapes who we are. The key is in deciding what you will do with all of the cards that you have been dealt. That is where leadership training comes in.
Great leaders work on themselves
To become a great leader, you need to commit to personal development. Leadership starts with self-leadership. That means you understand what makes you tick, what is important to you and why it is central to your beliefs. Clarity on these fundamental drivers helps you craft your vision. The greatest of leaders then choose the character strengths they want to strengthen so they can inspire their followers to help them achieve that mission.
Traits of great leaders
Effective leadership is about integrity and trust. It is about the courage to take risks and the awareness to maintain your composure. When you lead most powerfully, you are serving others, with a vision, much bigger than yourself in mind. All of these are things that can be learned, honed and strengthened. You just have to do the work.
The work required to be one of the greats
Oh, and did I neglect to tell you…it takes a lot of work? Yes, leaders are in it for the long haul. That’s because, like Christopher Columbus, they know, that even though the majority may see it one way, that doesn’t make it so! The greatest of leaders push forward towards their vision, with a great team around them who trusts the leader, and believes in the same vision.
Becoming an exceptional leader doesn’t simply take time. Extraordinary leaders hone their skills, develop certain talents and craft their powerful impact with ongoing intention. Are you committed to that journey?
Mastery of leadership is a journey
Those that we Judge to be masterful leaders likely knew that for them to become an expert leader in their field, they would need to commit to a process of continuous growth and development. That commitment and the continued effort allowed them to excel. Their journey was similar to that of a master chef’s, a karate master’s experience or the process a master pianist went through. It took time, dedication and effort.
It's more than taking some training
Mastery is an ongoing journey of learning and growth. We don't typically talk about mastery in leadership. Instead, we focus on skill development, taking some training or participating in a professional development opportunity. All of those are important, but they are only pieces. Each training is a tool to use on your way to mastering leadership. You must use the tool, practice with it and excel at it.
Your title doesn't make you great
You can become a leader simply by getting a title. Add to that your job description, a group of employees and a budget to manage. All of that puts you in the position, but none of it will make you a great leader.
Applying your learning is key
Once you realized that, you may realize you need some more training and assistance to work on your leadership skills. Perhaps you read a book on leadership. Maybe you take a course or two on communication, budgeting, and strategic planning. That still will not magically make you a great leader. However, if you read a book and start to apply what you're learning, you're probably going to be a better leader. If take the courses and work on using the skills you were trained in, you are going to be an even better leader.
Critically evaluate and improve yourself
It is when you continually apply your learning that you begin to master certain skills. By evaluating how you are doing, learning from failures, trying new strategies and continually investing in bettering yourself that you will find you begin to truly excel.
The problem for many leaders is that they settle. They get to the point of being a mediocre leader or someone with average skills and they stop. They believe they are good enough to get by. They cease to take training on particular leadership skills. These “ok” leaders may focus on other team members their skill development.
Be the leader who stands out
If you are different, if you want more than that, perhaps it’s mastery you are looking for. If “good enough,” isn’t good enough, consider focusing on mastery.
Mastering leadership takes a long time
To become a masterful leader means that you're going to work on this, quite frankly, for years. Perhaps even your whole life. If you want to be a masterful leader, you know that you are going to continue to grow and develop and learn and train and apply what you've learned and learned some more and take some more. It's about a process. Mastery is a journey of continuing to develop yourself.
There is no endpoint
Know now that you will likely never actually reach the point of being the best or perfect or even a “Master.” If you ever talk to somebody who you consider to be a master at something, they will probably tell you they don't know everything thing. In fact, they've only dipped their toe it. Those that we deem as masters know that there's so much more for them to learn, so they continue to learn and grow.
Commit to a lifelong pursuit of excellence
To master leadership means that you're committing yourself to a lifelong journey. It is like pledging to yourself that you will persistently learn, grow, develop and improve yourself.
I'm going always to be working on my skills, my strengths, my areas that maybe aren't so great. I'm going to continue to explore where I can grow even more. I'm going to continue to look inside and figure out
Start with mastering your confidence
If you want to keep growing and developing yourself, it's important to realize that this isn't always going to be an easy journey. You will make mistakes. You will fumble. It will be weird, scary and downright painful at times. You are going to need to step outside of your comfort zone routinely, to get to the point of excellence. To do that, you'll have to move forward with confidence. The confidence isn't in knowing you can handle it, but the confidence that you will figure it out. If you are looking for a tool to help you master your confidence levels, you may be interested in this book.
Be the best you can be today, and work towards being even better tomorrow
Mastery is committing yourself to a lifelong journey of growing yourself. If you want to become the best leader that you can be commit today to continuing to grow. Commit today to never ending this journey of becoming that better leader. Know that you will constantly have the ability to get that much further, to learn a little bit more, to develop a little bit more, to grow a few skills. That's mastery. Continuing on and on and on.
If you are struggling to get moving on a project or finding a lack of motivation in your team, you need to figure your the “why” behind the task. You need to discover your motive.
A motive is something that causes a person to act such as:
At work, those truly aren’t the best motives. Even money doesn’t work to encourage people.
What does work to get motivation?
Getting connected to why you need to do what you need to do is the strongest motivator there is. If we can’t understand the importance of what we are doing, connected to the bigger picture, there is nothing to pull us forward.
Many of you have heard the following parable. I think it’s worth repeating here:
A man came upon a construction site where three people were working.
What is your team's cathedral vision?
We need to connect the brick we are each laying at this moment to the cathedral we are building together. You need to do this for yourself and your team. They need to understand why they are doing the task in front of them. People want to know they are part of something bigger. They want to know their part matters to that larger vision.
Dig for your "Why" by writing
The way to connect everyone to that larger vision is to spend time excavating the “why.” Set aside 5 minutes to ponder the questions listed below. Write your answers. Yes, write them down. The act of writing will completely transform this exercise from a waste of time to saving incredible amounts of time. If you don’t believe me, I dare you to try it. Then, tell me below if I was right or wrong.
The questions to ponder
When you are struggling with a lack of motivation, write down the answer the following questions:
I swear if you take 5 minutes to write down the answers to these questions you will save yourself and your team hours of frustration. If you take 15 minutes to do this exercise with your team, look out! You’ll be in for some incredible insights.
Motivate by finding your "why"
When you are struggling with motivation, connect to the reason you are trying to do the work in front of you. What is the desire, urge, or inspiration to do the task? Why bother? Take time to write down answers to questions that help you to open up your thinking. Save yourself time and frustration by investing in connecting to your motive. You’ll spark that motivation in both you and your team.
When you actually wrote down the answers, what did you discover?
Available on Amazon
Women leaders often hit a point where they find themselves in over their heads and wondering if they have what it takes to lead.